Anyway, in my vast and difficult efforts to try and make my life interesting for you all, I realized there was one thing I do REALLY well. As I have told you before, I'm a pretty good baker. Well...most of the time anyway.
WHICH BRINGS US TO TODAY'S POST.
Re everyone's favorite topic. Donuts.
Now, don't lie. You know its true. Donuts are awesome. Apparently "awesome" is not the default setting for donuts. I was extremely disappointed to discover this.
Let's break it down.
These were Apple Cider Donuts. I figured this to be a sure fire WIN because its the beginning of apple season, and i would be able to swing the super high quality stuff from the farmer's market. The Coz was also going to chime in with a butter-apple-rum glaze that sounded top notch.
But no. There was no win for these donuts.
What is this you ask?
This is shortening. Probably the first mistake. The genius over at Smitten Kitchen said something the lines that because shortening is solid at room temperature, this would make the donuts less greasy.
Well, lies for me anyway. Apparently, this only serves to make it MORE greasy. Like, Greasy bricks.
Another issue. I apparently thought that these were going to be light and fluffy and delicious, despite the total lack of yeast to make them rise. I also apparently thought that these would turn out nothing like the Buttermilk Brick donuts that weigh, like 2 pounds each, EVEN THOUGH THE RECIPE CALLED FOR BUTTERMILK.
Moral: I have curious blind spots when it comes to cooking certain things, and compensate a lack of ingredients with a dangerous degree of overconfidence.
I am pretty sure this is the type of donut that is supposed to have a hole in it. It is obviously a misshapen blob.
To sum up. This was a DONUT FAIL. A donot win, if you will.
This is what we ended up with:
THIS IS A HEART ATTACK + A STROKE + GENERAL MISERY ON A PLATE.
Oh, it's also topped with apple cider glaze and cinnamon sugar, because The Coz's butter rum sauce was another fail that burned and then sat and gurgled to itself for a few days on the stove top because I hate cleaning the kitchen.
So yeah. Unfortunately, escapes of this general theme are distressingly frequent, so I decided that they needed to be named. Many of the recipes I try out are taken from Smitten Kitchen, because her mad photography skills make everything look AH-MAY-ZING. My original thought was to call it Bitten Kitchen (cuz everything sucked), but that had TOTALLY UNINTENTIONAL vampiric connotations.
NOT ON THIS BLOG BUDDY.
Donut Fail. However, this did not mean they went into the trash. Because you have to be an idiot to throw away donuts. I just shortened my life span by a good decade per donut hole.
I wish I could say these had the sweetness. They just had the greasiness.