It's because I have the sweetness. And now, so can you.
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
And Now...A Word from the Blonde
What up yo? You may all know me as The Blonde - the one who hearts breaking Benjamin and the Sick Puppies. I live quite the adventurous life as a blonde, and I am here today to give you a little taste of what a day in the life of me is like: so swallow whatever you’re drinking...cause you’re about to get blonde-sided.
1) Straight Retarded (aka: Level 1 Blonde Moment or L1BM): Events that occurred when I was alone…thank God.
Example of L1BM....One day I drove past my office 3 times…. straight up, 3 times….which may not seem that bad until I tell you that my office building is BRIGHT YELLOW AND BLUE STRIPES ON THE OUTSIDE! A circus tent, if you will. Most people would notice a circus tent. Like this!
2) Redic2 (aka: Level 2 Blonde Moment or L2BM): These events occurred around other people, actually involved other people, and/or were said to other people.
Example of L2BM....Here are some classic lines, straight from The Blonde’s mouth
“Skrumchulecent” - meaning… the best thing ever!
“Tooth brush doing” … I couldn’t think of the phrase for brushing your teeth
“We’re gonna bump some fat tunes” meaning listening to the most epic music ever in your sick ride!
“He just got ‘blonde-sided’” (this actually has three definitions)
1) Blonde definition - When a blonde girl is talking and is distracted by a shiny object or whathaveyou. 2) My definition – When I am distracted by a Camaro or a word with too many syllables 3) Male definition - When he is distracted by an attractive blonde girl, losing his train of thought.
3) Epic Failure (aka Level 3 Blonde Moment or L3BM): Ummmm...even I think this one is self explanatory
Example of a L3BM....So everyone has their “bad” days.The car won’t start, etc. My “bad” day, was a straightFAIL.If you happened to look up the word “fail” in the dictionary, you would see my face, doing this:
Here is how it went down:
I woke up on a glorious morning, decided to make some skrumchulecent Peet’s.Who knows what happened, but I spilled all over my clothes. The entire cup. So I changed, said “F-that”, left my cup of deliciousness on the counter and decided I’d probs be better off with a lid of sorts.Perhaps a sippy cup.
I ventured out to Peets and got my triple small non-fat latte and maple oat scone.I then moseyed on to the circus.As I stepped out of my car (NO IDEA HOW THIS HAPPENED) I tipped my latte over and it spilled.Again. All. Down. My. White. Sweater.
Awesome. So around 12, after finishing what was left of my small ass latte, I needed another caffeine fix, and I thought, you know, might be a good idea to stay away from coffee today….so I went for green tea. Healthy, full of antioxidants. Can't go wrong there, right? WRONG. As I was filling my mug with hot water, from the scalding hot water dispenser, I thought it would be smart to just place my thumb inside the mug. Why you ask? (don’t ever ask a blonde why… there is no logical explanation, it's like asking a dog why he eats his own poop… prolly because he can.
So after icing my scalded thumb, I got a little hungry and remembered one of the reps brought baked goods to the office. So I ventured out into the main office area…and I walked into the table.Glasses popped off my face and landed into the box o’ muffins…. So naturally I tried to play it cool and be like, “oh hey look there’s muffins” when really I wanted to cry a little bit.. But I grabbed the first muffin I saw…which ended up being a banana nut muffin (gag me). So there I was, sitting at my desk, with a burnt thumb, wearing my white/coffee-stained sweater, and waiting to drink my "green tea tropical" because it was too damn hot.I know this why?....because I stuck my thumb in it.Right.
This would condclude my day of EPIC FAILED PROPORTIONS. A day in which all of my “smart” brain cells just said, “Toodles my noodle” and the blondeness caught up with me.