Wait...what?

The Cast: The Mav, The Blonde, and I

The Situation: Working on resumes

Topic: Where the HELL in Turkey has The Blonde been (like Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego, without the two-bit music)

So The Blonde is trying to remember the name of the island in Turkey she went on her cruise in case she is asked for specifics in her interview. We thought we had figured out the mystery when she exclaims in satisfaction, "WAIT, I REMEMBER! It was the one with ALL THE RUINS"

The one with all the ruins eh? The island with all the ruins in the Mediterranean Sea.

Oh. Of course. I know that one.

A Dinner Party

The Menu:
Macaroni in an Extra Sharp Cheddar and Gruyere sauce with nutmeg and paprika
Mushrooms in a Marsala Reduction
Pao de Queijo
Green Salad with Blood Oranges & Apples with a fresh vinagrette
BV's Rutherford Cabernet Sauvignon

The Company:
3 neuroscientists, a professor of economics at Johns Hopkins, an entrepreneur, and (for the purposes of this post) an editor.

The Music:

Classical Violin

This sounds pretty impressive right? RIGHT

Everything else:
We ran out of dining chairs, and so 2 of our illustrious company were camping out on office chairs. The boys decided it would be fancier if we ate in the living room so we crammed the table in between the couch and the stereo. This meant that we were constantly clambering over the couch. We also ran out of plates...and one person jerry-rigged a "plate" out of a pot lid upended over a bowl. We didn't have enough wine, so people resorted to PBR.

It's like...we know what class is...and we aspire to it! We just couldn't...quite...make it.

Dinner was awesomely fun though. And delicious.

PS. I love that I am tagging this as both "Awesome" and "Fail"

Even Awesome People Have Off Days

Team,

I have been wracking my brain all day for something to write about. Part of the point of doing "National Blog Posting Month" is that it gets one in the habit of producing something every day.

But the fact is that sometimes, NOTHING HAPPENS.

Or rather, a lot of things happen, but for various reasons, are not right for post purposes.

For example

1) The Man has a cold. Thus, being a kind and giving person, I made him chicken soup. Normally, I chronicle my cooking escapades and mess with photos, satiric commentary, etc. However this time, it was extremely straight forward. There was very little mess, and I even closed all the cupboards. Nothing exciting to look at either, because chicken soup is yellow.

2) The Blonde and I have a series of DIY projects that we are supposed to be working on together. But all we did was talk about them, and didn't actually make any progress. BECAUSE IT'S WEDNESDAY.

3) I am watching Battlestar. But I can't tell you my reactions, for Spoilers Reasons.

I'm not even reading anything interesting right now - just back issues of the New Yorker.

The End.

And Now...A Word from the Blonde

What up yo? You may all know me as The Blonde - the one who hearts breaking Benjamin and the Sick Puppies. I live quite the adventurous life as a blonde, and I am here today to give you a little taste of what a day in the life of me is like: so swallow whatever you’re drinking...cause you’re about to get blonde-sided.

1) Straight Retarded (aka: Level 1 Blonde Moment or L1BM): Events that occurred when I was alone…thank God.

Example of L1BM....One day I drove past my office 3 times…. straight up, 3 times….which may not seem that bad until I tell you that my office building is BRIGHT YELLOW AND BLUE STRIPES ON THE OUTSIDE! A circus tent, if you will. Most people would notice a circus tent. Like this!

(Not Really)

2) Redic² (aka: Level 2 Blonde Moment or L2BM): These events occurred around other people, actually involved other people, and/or were said to other people.

Example of L2BM....Here are some classic lines, straight from The Blonde’s mouth

“Skrumchulecent” - meaning… the best thing ever!

“Tooth brush doing” … I couldn’t think of the phrase for brushing your teeth

“We’re gonna bump some fat tunes” meaning listening to the most epic music ever in your sick ride!

“He just got ‘blonde-sided’” (this actually has three definitions)

1) Blonde definition - When a blonde girl is talking and is distracted by a shiny object or whathaveyou.
2) My definition – When I am distracted by a Camaro or a word with too many syllables
3) Male definition - When he is distracted by an attractive blonde girl, losing his train of thought.

3) Epic Failure (aka Level 3 Blonde Moment or L3BM): Ummmm...even I think this one is self explanatory

Example of a L3BM....So everyone has their “bad” days. The car won’t start, etc. My “bad” day, was a straight FAIL. If you happened to look up the word “fail” in the dictionary, you would see my face, doing this:

Here is how it went down:

I woke up on a glorious morning, decided to make some skrumchulecent Peet’s. Who knows what happened, but I spilled all over my clothes. The entire cup. So I changed, said “F-that”, left my cup of deliciousness on the counter and decided I’d probs be better off with a lid of sorts. Perhaps a sippy cup.

I ventured out to Peets and got my triple small non-fat latte and maple oat scone. I then moseyed on to the circus. As I stepped out of my car (NO IDEA HOW THIS HAPPENED) I tipped my latte over and it spilled. Again. All. Down. My. White. Sweater.

Awesome.

So around 12, after finishing what was left of my small ass latte, I needed another caffeine fix, and I thought, you know, might be a good idea to stay away from coffee today….so I went for green tea. Healthy, full of antioxidants. Can't go wrong there, right? WRONG. As I was filling my mug with hot water, from the scalding hot water dispenser, I thought it would be smart to just place my thumb inside the mug. Why you ask? (don’t ever ask a blonde why… there is no logical explanation, it's like asking a dog why he eats his own poop… prolly because he can.

(Photography by Christine Edwards!)

So after icing my scalded thumb, I got a little hungry and remembered one of the reps brought baked goods to the office. So I ventured out into the main office area…and I walked into the table. Glasses popped off my face and landed into the box o’ muffins…. So naturally I tried to play it cool and be like, “oh hey look there’s muffins” when really I wanted to cry a little bit.. But I grabbed the first muffin I saw…which ended up being a banana nut muffin (gag me). So there I was, sitting at my desk, with a burnt thumb, wearing my white/coffee-stained sweater, and waiting to drink my "green tea tropical" because it was too damn hot. I know this why?....because I stuck my thumb in it. Right.

This would condclude my day of EPIC FAILED PROPORTIONS. A day in which all of my “smart” brain cells just said, “Toodles my noodle” and the blondeness caught up with me.

Awww I'm Two for Two Baby

Hooray two days in a row! I'll pause for your applause and general support.

Anyway, in my vast and difficult efforts to try and make my life interesting for you all, I realized there was one thing I do REALLY well. As I have told you before, I'm a pretty good baker. Well...most of the time anyway.

WHICH BRINGS US TO TODAY'S POST.

Re everyone's favorite topic. Donuts.

Now, don't lie. You know its true. Donuts are awesome. Apparently "awesome" is not the default setting for donuts. I was extremely disappointed to discover this.

Let's break it down.

These were Apple Cider Donuts. I figured this to be a sure fire WIN because its the beginning of apple season, and i would be able to swing the super high quality stuff from the farmer's market. The Coz was also going to chime in with a butter-apple-rum glaze that sounded top notch.

But no. There was no win for these donuts.

Exhibit A:

What is this you ask?

This is shortening. Probably the first mistake. The genius over at Smitten Kitchen said something the lines that because shortening is solid at room temperature, this would make the donuts less greasy.

LIES.

Well, lies for me anyway. Apparently, this only serves to make it MORE greasy. Like, Greasy bricks.

Another issue. I apparently thought that these were going to be light and fluffy and delicious, despite the total lack of yeast to make them rise. I also apparently thought that these would turn out nothing like the Buttermilk Brick donuts that weigh, like 2 pounds each, EVEN THOUGH THE RECIPE CALLED FOR BUTTERMILK.

Moral: I have curious blind spots when it comes to cooking certain things, and compensate a lack of ingredients with a dangerous degree of overconfidence.

Exhibit B:

I am pretty sure this is the type of donut that is supposed to have a hole in it. It is obviously a misshapen blob.

To sum up. This was a DONUT FAIL. A donot win, if you will.

This is what we ended up with:

THIS IS A HEART ATTACK + A STROKE + GENERAL MISERY ON A PLATE.

Oh, it's also topped with apple cider glaze and cinnamon sugar, because The Coz's butter rum sauce was another fail that burned and then sat and gurgled to itself for a few days on the stove top because I hate cleaning the kitchen.

So yeah. Unfortunately, escapes of this general theme are distressingly frequent, so I decided that they needed to be named. Many of the recipes I try out are taken from Smitten Kitchen, because her mad photography skills make everything look AH-MAY-ZING. My original thought was to call it Bitten Kitchen (cuz everything sucked), but that had TOTALLY UNINTENTIONAL vampiric connotations.

NOT ON THIS BLOG BUDDY.

Donut Fail. However, this did not mean they went into the trash. Because you have to be an idiot to throw away donuts. I just shortened my life span by a good decade per donut hole.

I wish I could say these had the sweetness. They just had the greasiness.