Fantastic News

Attention all: The De Facto Publishing site has launched! Our fearless leader intends to "commission a tee-shirt that says PREZ immediately, as well as ring Barack posthaste about forming some sort of guild".

Sounds like a good plan to me.

There's even a new fan page on Facebook. CHECK IT OUT.

But the best part? THE BEST PART IS THAT WE ARE ALREADY ACCEPTING SUBMISSIONS FOR A NEW BOOK. Yes people. A book that will be PUBLISHED. In hard copy. It's pretty amazing.

De Facto Publishing is an independent, non-profit publishing house located in San Francisco, California. We are currently accepting submissions for a compilation of short stories.

We are looking for short stories centered around women in their twenties in California, those qualifications being the only limits for subject matter. We are interested in stories about work, families, homes, cooking, friends, relationships, sunglasses, your dog, new shoes--any sort of subject matter, as long as it pertains to the human experience of being a woman in her twenties in California. Your age doesn't matter, your gender doesn't matter- the point is to write a story that relates to being a woman in her twenties in California, whether it's personal experience, a witness account, a theory about it, or what you anticipate.

This is not a paid gig! This publishing house, as a non-profit company in an industry where the bulk of the revenue is generated by the top 50 publishing houses in the industry, exists to promote literature! What you will get is industry recognition and something for your portfolio.

Submissions are accepted in physical form only. Keep the story 10-20 pages, print it, and send it in a manila envelope with your contact information on the first page to:

PO Box 26367
San Francisco, CA
94126

Website: www.defactopublishing.com
Twitter @DeFactoPub
Blog: www.defactopublishing.blogspot.com

On the Internet

My friends have joked that I consume about 90% of the Internet.

"Did you hear about the Muppets and the Webby Awards?" they would ask. But before they even hit "Muppets" I've already said yes. By the time they say "Webby Awards" I've already come up with the relevant video:

SO I'VE DECIDED TO CURATE THE INTERNET.

I'm culling these from all kinds of sources. My Reader (mostly) with interior design and recipes, Twitter (Whatever team, embrace it), and general things I've been sent from friends.

To start off, watch this immediately:

This went viral last Friday, and I've watched it probably 4 times since then. Hilarious.

Also, this:

That's the Sweetness.

Pretty. Awesome.

So, per the usj, I am late to the game of hooking up the old lappy to your roommate's SWEET HDTV.

And per the usj, I am kicking myself for not doing it sooner. The DVD player seems to have suffered a terrible and ugly death, and is refusing to work. I, in my infinite wisdom, elected to purchase the appropriate cables so that I could use the player in my lappy.

1) VGA Cable

2) Audio Cable #1

3) Audio Cable #2

Note that all three were purchased separately, with a great deal of frustration. But finally, FINALLY everything is working as it should, and it is a revelation. No joke - we just streamed Julie, Julia from Netflix and it was a piece of pie. Or Bavarian Raspberry Creme if you prefer.

Currently listening to my Ocean's 13 soundtrack through the TV while paging through the recently uploaded pictures of the work on the HOUSE for the 3rd time. Ask, and I will send photos :D

Inspired to write thanks to Meryl Streep. I love you Meryl Streep.

BON APPETITE

January 4, 2010

A few things should be mentioned in this, the dawn of the New Year.

1) The Twitter thing is consistently broken, so I have tossed it. GOOD RIDDANCE.

2) After YEARS of pining, I have a KitchenAid Stand Mixer. I would say, expect more awesome cooking posts, but considering my abysmal record thus far, I'll just advise keeping fingers crossed.

3) Both Avatar AND Sherlock Holmes were totally and completely worth the ridiculous, non-Cloverdale movie prices.

4) When I was a little girl, I would eat my peas and salad with ketchup.

That is all.

The Importance of Traditions

Friends,

This is a Public Service Announcement.

The Westin St. Francis...has ruined Christmas.

EVERY YEAR. For as long as I can remember, my family and I would always ride the elevators at the St. Francis for my birthday.

Tonight, in accordance with that tradition, we approached the rear of the hotel - laughing, joyful, spreading good cheer. We go past the gingerbread castle, and the tree with electronic icicles. We turn the corner, and are confronted with a SECURITY GUARD, demanding to see a room key before we can go past.

Are you serious? I demand.

...he looks a little frightened. "I need to see your room key"

But I do this every year! For my whole life. IT'S MY BIRTHDAY!

...he meekly apologizes, and insists that he needs a key.

I lay into him: "You, sir, have RUINED CHRISTMAS. EVERY YEAR FOR 25 YEARS. TRADITIONS ARE IMPORTANT"...at this point my dad starts dragging me away. He consoles me by offering to collapse, as a distraction, thereby enabling me to sneak away to my elevators.

I should have cried.

Can't. Even. Handle. It.

Team, I just...I can't even...

I LOVE THE INTERNET.



MUPPETS. AND QUEEN. ALL AT THE SAME TIME.



I'm..I'm just so happy right now.

National Blog Posting Month.

By now, you have noticed that my posting has petered off. Alarmingly. I started this blog halfway through September, and still managed to post 11 times. October is now over, and I only managed to post a measly SIX TIMES.

This is clearly unacceptable.

So it is with great trepidation (and excitement...but mostly trepidation) that I announce to you that I am throwing my jaunty fedora into the ring for NaBloPoMo.

I can hear you from here. "Frances, old thing, why are you spouting gibberish?"

NaBloPoMo stands for National Blog Posting Month, and is a spinoff of NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month). The great and prolific Coz has been doing this for nearly a decade now, and has successfully convinced me to join. Okay, pestered. Whatever. These details do not concern me.

The main point of NaBloPoMo is that one posts every day. Every single day. Please take it upon yourselves to leave nasty and threatening comments and text messages if you sense that I am slacking off. If the caliber of my writing has fallen dangerously past its already admittedly low point, please poke and prod so that my guilt pushes me into doing the right thing. Because that's how we Catholics roll, after all.

However, having this announcement count as "a post" would be lazy. Lazier than usual anyway.

So...HALLOWEEN 2009.

Dear San Francisco: Let's talk about the shenanigans on the N Inbound train last night shall we? For example, the mostly naked man. In a diaper. With mysterious bits of paper stuck to his body in a seemingly random fashion. Or the inappropriately exposed escaped prison convict in a gaping orange jumpsuit?

Granted, it was peak time (about 10) and sure, this is the main way to get downtown/to the Castro from the Sunset. But the Mav and I agreed. Many of the costumes seemed half-assed this year.

That's just disappointing. We saw a pair in clearly homemade costumes that had clearly taken a good deal of time. But we could not for the LIFE of us figure out what they were supposed to be.

Turns out, they were shrimp. I don't even know. If you are going to dedicate some thought and time into your costume, at least have it be somewhat recognizable.

A good deal of the slutty _______. An even greater deal of the DEAD slutty ________, but that is to be expected. Of course, my detective was pretty classy. I only ran into one other similarly attired p.i. - trench + fedora. Our rapid fire conversation went something like this:

Unknown Girl: (spots me from 10 yards away and runs up) - You are a detective!

Me: I AM a detective!!

U.G.: Do you have a magnifying glass? (shoves glass under my nose)

Me: No! But I have three mustaches!

U.G.: COOL!! Hey! Slutty ______! Take our picture!

Me: Would you like to borrow one of my mustaches?

U.G.: SURE

The slutty _____ proceeds to take our picture, and Unknown Girl runs away.

Three mustaches you ask? These are of course for use in my role as a detective for when I have to, you know, be undercover and stuff. See below:

This is the English Mustache. At least that's what I called it. For an inordinate amount of time, The Coz and I spoke in a ridiculous British accent while taking turns holding the 'stache. Turns out, I have an alter ego - a personal gentleman's gentleman named Spiffington. Picture the men of Monty Python's Flying Circus and their innumerous drag sketches, and you will come close to the preposterous accent I was affecting.

Now, this is the mustache of the sneaky Frenchman. I CANNOT do a French accent. Instead I kept parroting the lines from "The End of the World" - Sheet guys, zey are coming! Fiere our sheet!

And, finally, the resident Canadian disguise. You will notice I am grinning like a loon - the inimitable Kate Beaton has a comic strip in which she parodies Canadian history. Now, not being Canadian, much of the humor flies over my head, but there is an underlying theme: Canadians are friendly.

QUITE THE SWEET START TO THE MONTH OF NOVEMBER WOULDN'T YOU SAY SO?

I do say so.

PS. I registered on the official site because apparently there are prizes! I love prizes. It involved labeling this blog as about "food" and "humor". A stretch? Perhaps.