On Friendship...and Lemons

I offer the following quotation as an insight into my relationship with certain of my friends:

"What ho!" I said.
"What ho!" said Motty.
"What ho! What ho!"
"What ho! What ho! What ho!"
After that it seemed rather difficult to go on with the conversation."

- P.G. Wodehouse (duh)

Indeed.

Many of the conversations I have had with certain of my friends of late border on the ridiculous. For example, after a woeful encounter with a sprayer, in which it might be said that the sprayer came away from the argument with less damage, the following chat ensued between The Blonde and myself (more or less)

The Blonde:. Please. I look like an oompaloompa. you should have seen me this morning. i scared myself.

me: are you orange with green hair?

The Blonde: i could be

me: are you 4 foot 5?

The Blonde: maybe

me: hmm in that case i don't think i can call you the situation anymore.

The Blonde: waaaaaaaait

me: im sorry. The situation cannot be 4 foot 5 with orange skin and green hair. i mean one of these symptoms maybe but all three? i dont think so.

The Blonde: hahahaha

me: id have to send you off to go work in a chocolate factory and sing silly little rhyming songs

The Blonde: theeeey scaaaaaare meeeeeee

me: exactly! So if they scare you you cannot be an oompa loompa; no one is afraid of themselves. unless they are a serial killer.

The Blonde: hahahahaha

me: and if you were a serial killer then no WAY would Morgan marry you

The Blonde: GASP

me: and since that is one of your major life goals

The Blonde: this is true

me: it can't possibly be true.

The Blonde: i like your hypothesis

me: you know what you call this? you call this irrefutable logic.

The Blonde: correct dear Watson. that is exactly what this is

me: i know it. im very smart.

The Blonde: you have deduced that I am NOT an oompa loompa and therefore i AM THE SITUATION!. WHAT UP

And now...regarding lemon rolls. I was slightly disappointed because the mother of the author of the recipe declares solemnly after tasting said rolls that "this is the best thing I have ever put in my mouth" Vast exaggeration, and if not then please allow me to introduce you to my Cinnamon Rolls.

However, they were prettttty tasty. And made good use of the meyer lemons that my friend brought me!

Zesty...and I can wait while you are oohing and aahing over my impressive shot.

...maybe it's not that impressive.

You put your ingredients in shot glasses right? No? Just me then. OKAY

Ahh...the finished product:

Recipe!!

The Wilds of North Beach

Team:

While I am not actually disgruntled, I am far from being gruntled.

I work in a very beautiful part of San Francisco. I get to enjoy a nice little stroll down the Embarcadero in the wee hours of the morn. Birds chirp. The old fashioned rail cars clang cheerily as they roll pass. The smell of the sewers is even pretty negligible. And after months of moping around Cole Valley, and months before that moping around Downtown Oakland, you must understand it is almost like Camelot.

Ha. I come to find out to find out, it is in fact a very silly place indeed.

I receive an email from Security today, informing us that they had received word of an armed gunman in the neighborhood, and would be locking the door for the rest of the day. Employees were advised to not venture outside.

I'm sorry. What?

I worked in Oakland during the Bart riots this winter. I would leave work long after dark, and we would walk in groups the two blocks to the Bart station. I never received company warning of armed gunmen in the neighborhood.

Then again perhaps this was to be taken for granted.

A gunman? In the shadow of Coit Tower? What does one say? In the words of one of my favorite authors, "Very good", I say coldly. "In that case, tinkerty-tonk".

And I mean it to sting.