The Importance of Traditions

Friends,

This is a Public Service Announcement.

The Westin St. Francis...has ruined Christmas.

EVERY YEAR. For as long as I can remember, my family and I would always ride the elevators at the St. Francis for my birthday.

Tonight, in accordance with that tradition, we approached the rear of the hotel - laughing, joyful, spreading good cheer. We go past the gingerbread castle, and the tree with electronic icicles. We turn the corner, and are confronted with a SECURITY GUARD, demanding to see a room key before we can go past.

Are you serious? I demand.

...he looks a little frightened. "I need to see your room key"

But I do this every year! For my whole life. IT'S MY BIRTHDAY!

...he meekly apologizes, and insists that he needs a key.

I lay into him: "You, sir, have RUINED CHRISTMAS. EVERY YEAR FOR 25 YEARS. TRADITIONS ARE IMPORTANT"...at this point my dad starts dragging me away. He consoles me by offering to collapse, as a distraction, thereby enabling me to sneak away to my elevators.

I should have cried.

Music

So.

It is the 16th of December. Christmas is next Friday. I refuse to tell you where I am with my Christmas shopping; you will be enormously embarrassed. Whether embarrassed on my behalf for my amazing lack of shopping, or embarrassed on your end because you are horribly and terribly behind.

You will have to suffer in an agony of uncertainty.

However, one fantastic thing that did happen since my last post...days ago...was that instead of doing gifts at work, we all exchanged mixes. Brilliant idea.

HERE'S MINE:

1) Canto de Ossanha - Afro Sambas

2) Uptown Downtown - Benjamin Zephaniah

3) Hide and Seek - Imogen Heap

4) Cocktail Swing - Paul Englishby

5) Oye Como Va - Tito Puente

6) Obsessed with You - The Orion Experience

7) Ramalama (Bang Bang) - Róisín Murphy

8) Mahna Mahna - Cake

9) Koop Island Blues - Koop featuring Ane Brun

10) The Garden - Mirah

11) Evil Night Together - Jill Tracy

12) Comrade Z - Devotchka

13) I Wanna Be Loved By You - Marilyn Monroe

14) Tamacun - Rodrigo Y Gabriela

15) Old Devils - William Elliot Whitmore

16) Danger! High Voltage - Electric Six

17) Little Green Bag - George Baker Selection

18) Everything I Can't Have - Robin Thicke

19) Argentine Tango - By Someone I Don't Know

Look em up. Admire my impeccable music taste.

Do it.

Book Club for the Non-Nerdy

OK...maybe nerdy.

I am in / have been in a number of bookclubs over the past couple of months. Currently, I am in two: The Book Club for the Non- Nerdy (ok maybe nerdy) AND my work book club. Since it really can't be a good idea for me to talk about work here, let's focus on the books selected by the non-nerds.

We have had a select few already:

Bonk: The Curious Coupling of Science and Sex by Mary Roach

The Three Coffins, by John Dickson Carr

Tender at the Bone, by Ruth Reichl

Blink, by Malcolm Gladwell

Interpreter of Maladies, by Jhumpha Lahiri

Today's discussion was regarding Lahiri's book, and team - I LOVED it. And not just for the company, which was fabulous. Everyone contributed something: there were spring rolls, and curry, and kabobs, and NAAN, and chicken tiki masala, and me. I baked. Per the usj: ginger molasses cookies.

I enjoyed the book itself, and I wasn't really expecting to, true literature not really being my bag. I had forgotten how much I liked the short story format - I found myself going through the book rather quickly. The stories are very human, and very full of what I deem to be the stuff of life - love, family, dealing with tragedy and dishonesty, growing up and growing old.

...well I suppose that was nerdy after all. Nerdy, and full of the sweetness.

On...Plants?

Yes. Completely random, considering I have absolutely zero skill with plants. Seriously, I think I have killed my succulents. That's right! Built to survive Los Angeles, and I manage to kill them.

Ridiculous.

Actually, per the usj, you can blame this one entirely on Apartment Therapy for bringing SteamedGlass to my attention.

Specifically, Professor Alexander's Botanical Vasculum:

Yes, It's $200. But it. is. so. awesome.

So that of course kicked off a craving for terrariums of all kinds. And really - they have been all over the design blogs like cheap suits:

and

and

...You get the picture. You could even go whimsical! If you have whimsical tendencies (as I do):

And for the grand finale - you could go all out. Hard Core. The Real McCoy - except that I suppose these aren't technically terrariums, and in fact are closer to aquariums. The Man is attempting this. And you will all join me in admiration:

You know what you call this? You call this proof that the Chron is worth something, for supporting these men and their business:

I don't even have to SAY it - I can hear you all thinking it from here.

That's the sweetness.

Not tooo Shabby

Well I suppose that posting on average every 2/3 days isn't too shabby! Certainly far better than I expected myself to do.

A few pictures of the Ranch for those of you who enjoy such things at this glorious time of year:

Next to the highway...

Close Up (yes I played with the saturation):

Holy Smokes it's on fire!

I know, right? LOOKS LIKE IT'S ON FIRE. I also enjoy how the cloudy sky is totally overexposed. Makes the fire brighter.

Also - note to random tourists: Please do not climb out of your car and wander around taking pictures. Where there is heavy machinery. And, when politely asked to leave...don't stick your tongue out. You look like an idiot.

In other news, the overabundance of gift guides in the Reader has me thinking of the holidays. I love Christmas. No amount of Scrooginess, or Grinchiness will deter me. I have carols on the iPod. I am busting out the ornaments. I am desperately craving spice of gingerbread, the headiness of hard sauce. I want to BAKE people.

In a word: Ready.

Can't. Even. Handle. It.

Team, I just...I can't even...

I LOVE THE INTERNET.



MUPPETS. AND QUEEN. ALL AT THE SAME TIME.



I'm..I'm just so happy right now.

Right.

I KNOW ALRIGHT?

I KNOW.

Any comments you various peanut galleries might have currently have the relevance of a cow's opinion.

They are moo.

HOWEVER, I would like to take the time to discuss with you all...the Bonfire. I was not fortunate enough to attend Saturday's game as I have in the past, so all I have to say regarding THAT is...

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA YEAH GO BEARS.

At least my absence meant that I did not have to sit through a performance of the Stanfurd Banned. Small blessings, I suppose.

Anyway, despite the rain on Friday, the Coz and I did manage to make it out to the Greek. I fought my way through campus - I couldn't even make it past Wheeler! I am hesitant to offer an opinion, but I must say that the Regents are dealing with a bad situation. The budget crisis is the reason for this mess, and really - slashing public education is so friggin' short sighted I can't even think straight.

RIGHT - moving on: there was FIRE and the University of California Marching Band and The UC Men's Octet (and the Golden Overtones too) and Tom Edwards and the Axe Cheer and FIRE and for once there was a funny sketch! There hasn't been a funny sketch in all my years of going.

It was awesome. To placate you I have pictures.

Before...

During...

And after...

Aaaaand then we left. Because it was pouring rain! And I've been to 6 bonfires. It was freezing, we went to La Burrito, went back to her place, made brownies, and eggnog, and watched Star Trek.

Awesome.

So today, I forgot my Ipod.

No - let me rephrase. I forgot my entire music apparatus - no headphones OR iPod. Even worse, I realized I didn't have it RIGHT when I was getting on MUNI. I was filled with a curious combination of chagrin, resignation, and...horror.

Of course, I have forgotten my music before, but this was the first time I actually analyzed my feelings about it. Horror? Really? That I had forgotten music to listen to whilst working? Is that the hallmark of my generation that we have to constantly have some sort of input into our brains to distract us from matters at hand?

I, clearly, survived. It was a near thing, though, I'll tell ya.

The Blonde was training the Mav tonight, and the following conversation ensues while The Mav whimpers quietly.

"What are you writing about tonight, Fran?" says the Blonde.

"Writing about how I left my iPod at home." says I

"...Interesting..."says The Blonde, vaguely sadly and distinctly let down.

THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN I TRY TO SHARE PROFOUND THOUGHTS WITH YOU ALL.

WELCOME...TO SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE

At the very last minute (aka Yesterday) The Mav asked me if I would be interested in going to go see the So You Think You Can Dance live tour in San Jose. I gave it some thought, argued with my internal accountant, before collapsing, inevitably in the face of awesome.

And team, I was not disappointed.

Ok - I was slightly disappointed that they didn't do the Argentine Tango.

BUT EVERYTHING ELSE WAS AWESOME.

It was sort of like a ridiculously high production value, super talented high school performance. The performances were amazing, and seeing it live was incredible. The transitions from performance to performance...were not.

For example, to introduce each other, they dragged out the name like they were announcing the MVP at the Super Bowl. HEEEERE'S JAAAAASOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON.

*cue screaming*

Seriously though - I had a great time. There was a running joke all night referring to the Russian Dance Routine that got SLAMMED by the judges. Jeanine and Phillip appeared at least 5 different times attempting to perform it, and were gently shooed off stage by the other dancers until finally the entire group performed a mashup hip-hop/folk-dance routine.

Crazy.

It was clear that either they themselves had written their own lines, or a random intern at the studio who had no idea what she was doing. However, the bottom line was that the performances were amazing, and the audience reaction was HILARIOUS. For example, the vampire routine with the music from Twilight - 40,000 females squealed.

As The Mav's friend said - SYTYCD simply brings out the 15-year old girl in all of us. Both my younger counterpart and I were well pleased.

The HELL Are We Gonna Do with THESE

Well.

We have had a busy night here at Chez Sweetness. I stroll out of work to discover that, unbeknownst to me, it has begun to...mist. It's not rain, it's not drizzle, it's mist - that peculiarly San Francisco fog bank that comes into town EXPRESSLY to frizz hair.

It is extremely aggravating.

At any rate, I am due in Cole Valley to meet up with the Blonde, who has elected to come up from the dredges of F.C. and gallavant about The City. But first, she is coming to visit. I decide to kill two birds with one stone and do something productive, while she primps etc. And does this:

.

I don't know what this is.

At any rate, I decide to cook the what-the-hell-are-we-gonna-do-with-these shortribs.

They shall hence forth be known simply as The Ribs.

After the travesty of the last Cal game, I had gone to BBQ in Berkeley. Spareribs are not the most tidy of meals, and I had brought the leftovers (bones) to gnaw on in the privacy of my apartment. The Mav was duly jealous, and I picked up some ribs the next time I went grocery shopping.

NEEDLESS TO SAY. I picked up shortribs by accident. NO I DON'T have a slow cooker. Or a grill. Or any BBQ sauce handy.

So I did what The Sweetness does best when it comes to cooking. "Meh - looks about right" and lots of "Whatevs - close enough"

I made this: Braised Shortribs.

And to respond to the inevitable question of whether or not I made the accompanying horseradish gremolata and pumpkin orzo...Judging from the rest of the content on this blog, what do YOU think?

I set right to work, and you know what team? Turned out pretty friggin tasty! Sure there were some hiccups...like realizing that I had not taken them out this morning to defrost:

Yes, I needed a hammer.

Or getting distracted by these:

How are these even LEGAL.

But at the end of the night, I had a pretty delicious stew with The Ribs. I can do stew. Remind me sometime to tell you about my venison stew. Pretty delicious.

Well, I could tell you. But then I would have to kill you.

Tomorrow - SYTYCD...LIVE!!!

Stay tuned.

On Goats

Tonight, The Man took me out to go see The Men Who Stare at Goats.

I liked it. He did not.

Ok, so it's true. I like most things! The Mav would say that there is hardly a movie I don't like, except for, you know, award winning dramas.

Whatever. I don't like movies that make me sad. I feel it defeats the purpose of the escape, if watching it makes you miserable.

BUT - I liked the acting. I enjoy George Clooney - he does a terrific deadpan. This wasn't even deadpan: he was seriously explaining to Bob, Ewan MacGregor's character, that he was a Jedi. I thought the movie was gently amusing, mostly because of Jeff Bridges, and his gentle soldier.

The Man thought the acting was fine, the cinematography was fine, and the movie was not. If you want to see George Clooney in a good desert movie, he says to go watch Three Kings.

But Three Kings does not have a goat:

The goat was totally the star. And Kevin Spacey. Because you can't tell Kaiser Soze that he got upstaged by a goat.

Another Blog Fail

So I have noticed a pattern in my blog fails. My posting tends to be interrupted when life kicks in. Not such a bad thing!

Except for today. Today, I had no life. The Mav and I went to breakfast and the Haight. Speaking of the Haight, The Booksmith changed! There are things moving around and a new register and I DON'T LIKE IT.

Then we came home. And vegged. And made cookies! We had this whole plan to cook short ribs in the oven, but our endeavor was cut miserably short. Because we didn't feel like waiting 3 hours for a braise. Lamo.

In other news, the epically long scarf is coming along quite nicely! I managed to be productive whilst laying on the couch. It's gonna be gorgeous team. Purple! And Mysterious!

Managed to make it to the Academy yesterday - apparently, the South African Penguins that are chillin at the museum are also called "jackass" penguins. Because they are scrappy. And loud.

I find that amusing.

Noodles, and Broth, and Tripe - Oh, My!

Full disclosure: this post was written with the help of The McDeezy.

McDeezy, the Mav and I just came back from Vietnamese food in The Sunset. We typically hit up Kevin's Noodle House for our soup noodle needs, and we came back just as expected. More than slightly sloshy - in fact, McDeezy claims to have a water tank where his belly used to be.

That's because bowls of pho tend to look like this:

That is to say, obscenely and awkwardly large. This picture actually looks to be a small bowl of pho. And it is STILL more than any one person could reasonably eat.

Unless you happen to be The Mav and/or The McDeezy. In that case, one would feel a sort of civic duty to finish your hugely enormous bowl of soup, noodles, tripe, beef, tendon, and maybe a veggie or three.

McDeezy is also puzzled by the fact that there must be a specific pronunciation of the word "pho". You can see this in the innumerable word plays available online. For example:

Nyuk Nyuk Nyuk.

Doubtless The Observer would have some thoughts regarding the level of foodiocy in this post. I would rate it a 8.76, mostly for sticking the landing with a solid inclusion of the words "nyuk nyuk nyuk"

Let the Wild Rumpus Start

...with a RAWR.

Ahem. Sorry.

Let it be said at the beginning that I haven't seen Where the Wild Things Are. It looks beautifully done, but I just haven't been in the mood.

HOWEVER, Katastrophic and I did go see the Maurice Sendak exhibit that has been advertised all over the city at the Contemporary Jewish Museum off Yerba Buena Park in SOMA.

Team, it was charming! Perhaps this is a feeling that is shared by every generation, but I feel like the quality picture books that I knew and loved are simply not around anymore. I find myself thinking that when it comes time to be buying picture books again, I will most likely look to things that I read when I was small. And hang up posters like so:

Also side note: The Contemporary Jewish Museum is GORGEOUS. Check it out on Thursdays - its $5 after 5:00pm. Katastrophic and I hit up the Sendak and Jews on Vinyl exhibits (which was awesome: we chilled and chatted on classy MCM furniture listening to The Temptations do Fiddler on the Roof)

It was lovely - they displayed final drawings and concepts for many of Sendak's books, including The Night Kitchen which was always my favorite:

A lot of Sendak's work is politically motivated, which I didn't know. Down in the Dumps with Jack and Guy (1983) takes place in the homeless lots of the Great Depression, where kidnapping fears from the Lindhberg case are combines with Sendak's fears of the 1980s AIDS crisis.

WHO KNEW.

I leave you with the last image from Kitchen.

That's the sweetness.

Even Awesome People Have Off Days

Team,

I have been wracking my brain all day for something to write about. Part of the point of doing "National Blog Posting Month" is that it gets one in the habit of producing something every day.

But the fact is that sometimes, NOTHING HAPPENS.

Or rather, a lot of things happen, but for various reasons, are not right for post purposes.

For example

1) The Man has a cold. Thus, being a kind and giving person, I made him chicken soup. Normally, I chronicle my cooking escapades and mess with photos, satiric commentary, etc. However this time, it was extremely straight forward. There was very little mess, and I even closed all the cupboards. Nothing exciting to look at either, because chicken soup is yellow.

2) The Blonde and I have a series of DIY projects that we are supposed to be working on together. But all we did was talk about them, and didn't actually make any progress. BECAUSE IT'S WEDNESDAY.

3) I am watching Battlestar. But I can't tell you my reactions, for Spoilers Reasons.

I'm not even reading anything interesting right now - just back issues of the New Yorker.

The End.

And Now...A Word from the Blonde

What up yo? You may all know me as The Blonde - the one who hearts breaking Benjamin and the Sick Puppies. I live quite the adventurous life as a blonde, and I am here today to give you a little taste of what a day in the life of me is like: so swallow whatever you’re drinking...cause you’re about to get blonde-sided.

1) Straight Retarded (aka: Level 1 Blonde Moment or L1BM): Events that occurred when I was alone…thank God.

Example of L1BM....One day I drove past my office 3 times…. straight up, 3 times….which may not seem that bad until I tell you that my office building is BRIGHT YELLOW AND BLUE STRIPES ON THE OUTSIDE! A circus tent, if you will. Most people would notice a circus tent. Like this!

(Not Really)

2) Redic² (aka: Level 2 Blonde Moment or L2BM): These events occurred around other people, actually involved other people, and/or were said to other people.

Example of L2BM....Here are some classic lines, straight from The Blonde’s mouth

“Skrumchulecent” - meaning… the best thing ever!

“Tooth brush doing” … I couldn’t think of the phrase for brushing your teeth

“We’re gonna bump some fat tunes” meaning listening to the most epic music ever in your sick ride!

“He just got ‘blonde-sided’” (this actually has three definitions)

1) Blonde definition - When a blonde girl is talking and is distracted by a shiny object or whathaveyou.
2) My definition – When I am distracted by a Camaro or a word with too many syllables
3) Male definition - When he is distracted by an attractive blonde girl, losing his train of thought.

3) Epic Failure (aka Level 3 Blonde Moment or L3BM): Ummmm...even I think this one is self explanatory

Example of a L3BM....So everyone has their “bad” days. The car won’t start, etc. My “bad” day, was a straight FAIL. If you happened to look up the word “fail” in the dictionary, you would see my face, doing this:

Here is how it went down:

I woke up on a glorious morning, decided to make some skrumchulecent Peet’s. Who knows what happened, but I spilled all over my clothes. The entire cup. So I changed, said “F-that”, left my cup of deliciousness on the counter and decided I’d probs be better off with a lid of sorts. Perhaps a sippy cup.

I ventured out to Peets and got my triple small non-fat latte and maple oat scone. I then moseyed on to the circus. As I stepped out of my car (NO IDEA HOW THIS HAPPENED) I tipped my latte over and it spilled. Again. All. Down. My. White. Sweater.

Awesome.

So around 12, after finishing what was left of my small ass latte, I needed another caffeine fix, and I thought, you know, might be a good idea to stay away from coffee today….so I went for green tea. Healthy, full of antioxidants. Can't go wrong there, right? WRONG. As I was filling my mug with hot water, from the scalding hot water dispenser, I thought it would be smart to just place my thumb inside the mug. Why you ask? (don’t ever ask a blonde why… there is no logical explanation, it's like asking a dog why he eats his own poop… prolly because he can.

(Photography by Christine Edwards!)

So after icing my scalded thumb, I got a little hungry and remembered one of the reps brought baked goods to the office. So I ventured out into the main office area…and I walked into the table. Glasses popped off my face and landed into the box o’ muffins…. So naturally I tried to play it cool and be like, “oh hey look there’s muffins” when really I wanted to cry a little bit.. But I grabbed the first muffin I saw…which ended up being a banana nut muffin (gag me). So there I was, sitting at my desk, with a burnt thumb, wearing my white/coffee-stained sweater, and waiting to drink my "green tea tropical" because it was too damn hot. I know this why?....because I stuck my thumb in it. Right.

This would condclude my day of EPIC FAILED PROPORTIONS. A day in which all of my “smart” brain cells just said, “Toodles my noodle” and the blondeness caught up with me.

In which there are pirates. No Seriously!

Yes. I know. I didn't blog yesterday.

Epic. Fail.

HOWEVER, leaving an after-party to BLOG is lame. Beyond lame. Pathetically Lame.

I don't like to do lame things.

The after-party was, of course due to the overwhelming success of Royal Jam at Battle of the Bands. I feel like I can state quite objectively that the brainy nerds absolutely stole the show.

Even the parents agreed.

But let's start at the beginning.

I arrive at The DNA Lounge (apparently "A disorderly house injurious to the public welfare and morals"...ok...) and go inside to hear confusingly loud music. Like, death metal.

NO JOKE.

For example, Aborticide, sounds like "a whirlwind mixture of experimental, avant-garde, post-apocalyptic cyber industrial death metal"

Royal Jam's influences include The Beatles, Dave Matthews Band, and Stevie Wonder. Right. They are awesome, and sound hauntingly beautiful.

(This is all Sharri! Sadly, she is off in Seattle, getting her degree in neuroscience. THANKS FOR LEAVING SHARRI.)

Unfortunately, I cannot tell you if the other bands were any good. I simply do not have an ear for metal of any kind, despite my previous employment experience doing time at Mayhem Festivals, etc. I TRIED, I'M SORRY.

What I CAN tell you is that not only did this Battle of the Bands span genres, it also apparently spanned ages.

Not, that you could tell or anything. I mean SURE, there were parents there! And SURE, they were definitely taking home videos as the kids on stage strutted their stuff and screamed hoarsely into the mike and then waved, embarassingly pleased at the camera. WHO WOULDN'T?!

I would say that most people wouldn't wear Halloween striped pirate pants to play a show. But that is just me. And anyone over the age of 15.

Somehow, Today Still Managed to be Awesome

Against all odds, today still managed to be awesome.

DESPITE Mr. Best sustaining SERIOUS INJURY.

And DESPITE Cal losing to Oregon State AGAIN. Today didn't suck! Let's go into why:

1) I went to Imagiknit today in Noe Valley! I got neeeeedles AND awesome yarn AAAAND:

Awww Yeah. That's gonna be how I'm rollin. RIGHT. KNITTING IS COOL. Also, I've been stalking Etsy (per the usj.) and have found stupid cool patterns here, and here and here.

Adorbs. (FrenchPressKnits)

Anyway, clearly I am excited. Hooray for a creative outlet.

Finally, at the game today we find out that to the long list of championships that the University of California at Berkeley is proud to call its own, we can add concrete canoeing.

Also, I love that at Berkeley, we tend to do standing ovation cheers for our Nobel Laureates. Yay Economics.

And Go Bears.

A Battle Royale

Ok, so "Battle Royale" might be a bit of an exaggeration BUT IT TOTALLY GOT YOUR ATTENTION EH?!?!

However, there will be a Battle. A Battle...of the Bands.

375 Eleventh St.

San Francisco, CA 94103

The Google checkout link I have is dead but maybe it'll work for you!

PLEASE COME OUT ON SUNDAY!!!! It'll be ridiculous amounts of fun. While I suppose, technically, I should leave it to you to make your own judgments about the best band there, but let's be real.

It's going to be Royal Jam.

Also, I tried to lobby today for a cover of "Don't Want to Miss a Thing" by Aerosmith, but was unsuccessful.

*sigh*

Happy, Happy Birthday

Now, I have already spoken to most of you about this happy occasion.

Namely, that on this day, in 1955, mankind achieved time travel.

Let's hear a word from the great man himself: November 5, 1955! That was the day I invented time-travel. I remember it vividly. I wa standing on the edge of my toilet hanging a clock, the porcelain was wet, I slipped, hit my head on the sink, and when I came to I had a revelation! A vision! A picture in my head! A picture of this! This is what makes time travel possible: the flux capacitor! - Doc Brown

Truly, a great moment in the history of ever.

In the spirit of this international holiday, I offer you the following:

(If you have to guess the source, you have not been paying attention)

Doc Brown: [running out of the room] 1.21 gigawatts? 1.21 gigawatts? Great Scott! Marty McFly: [following] What-what the hell is a gigawatt?

Possibly one of my favorite scenes from the series. Cuz the next line of the movie is

UNLESS YOU GOT POWAHHH.

(Yay Etsy)

If my cousin, in South America, can quote "Think, McFly, THINK!" that is Truly the Sweetness.

The Time Has Come

The Walrus Said.

To talk of Many Things.

That is really what this whole daily blogging thing comes down to right? Talking of many things. In my case, they happen to be very many. And varied. And RANDOM. But, you all know this.

Today's topic - MUSIC.

I have always been fascinated by music tastes. Seriously. No one person has the same taste as another. People listen to music that you wouldn't at all think they would like! The Coz? Likes soundtracks. The Blonde? hearts Breaking Benjamin and the Sick Puppies - seriously, a quarter hour spaz on how awesome they are. The Man? Phish. The Mav? CLASSICALLY TRAINED PIANIST.

Hell, the head of the Slipknot fan club is a middle aged mom from Bristol.

Me? I've been listening to a lot of gypsy polka. It's strange. I guess the moral is that you never can tell, and that someone's music choices really don't have much say in defining his or her personality.

Unless you are, like, obsessed with Clay Aiken. As in, you belong to his fan club. Unfortunately, if that is the case I PROBABLY KNOW WHO YOU ARE. And have probably kicked you off the site more times than I can count. Ah, memories.

I DIGRESS. The main reason for this post is because the girls at work have a yearly tradition of not buying gifts for everyone, but instead making a playlist and giving it out on a CD. Everyone gets new music, and no one loses money.

FANTASTIC.

I feel like the best way to do this is to probably just check out my My Most Played Songs (Thanks iTunes!). This will obviously feature Gogol Bordello, Jill Tracy, that one song from The Orion Experience, The Fratellis, and some Presidents of the United States of America.

HOWEVER. I will also mix it up with some Rodrigo y Gabriela, some Buena Vista Social Club, a little bit of swing and some classic Jazz. Please note that this will not constitute the entirety of my mix. Give me slightly more credit than that.

The trick? Getting it all to mesh into some sort of cohesive mix. Does order really matter any more? If one were to listen to the soothsayers in High Fidelity, then the answer is clearly YES, but I don't really find I stick to the order of my original playlist anymore.

Anyway, thoughts? Any songs I should Definitely Include?

Fake Live-blogging for SYTYCD

AND SLIDING IN RIGHT UNDER THE MARK:

Tonight, we are trying an experiment here at The Sweetness. It’s called liveblogging. Well, technically it’s fake liveblogging, because 1) we are watching a DVR’ed version and 2) we are skipping commercials. There is really no point to recording my thoughts on commercials. C’mon.

OK HERE WE GO.

CAT DEELEY: I love you Cat Deeley and your British accent. Gives the whole show a sheen of legitimacy – see American Idol. Although your nude dress makes it seem like you aren’t wearing anything with that above the waist camera shot.

We’ve decided we don’t like Ryan. And his muscles. He runs around with the word “Adonis” tattooed on his forehead.

PLEASE WELCOME YOUR….JUDGEEEEEEESSSSSSSS

Adam Shankman – we love Adam Shankman

I feel attacked by Mary’s Earrings.

Dude. Nigel Lithgoe IS a cold hearted snake.

Although it appears that the studios have some sort of heart because BILLY BELL WILL BE BACK NEXT SEASON. There is no getting around it. He is just too awesome to not come back. Oh, and that other guy who got kicked off last week.

Noelle is back after injury. I don’t care, except that she is Russel’s partner. And I love Russell.

Fail at Rapping, Noelle.

OOH NEW COREOGRAPHER. I dunno about this whole tennis thing tho.

But Noelle, your voice is annoying and shrill.

So not hard core. Noelle.

Of COURSE it was a winning performance Adam. It has Russel in it. And the coreographer did a Miley Cyrus routine. That had to have been interesting.

So Adam, although you started out liking it…you kinda talked yourself out of liking it…

Mary, you tend to be too tentative. Also, you may or may not be wearing a bra. No. You aren’t wearing a bra. WEAR A BRA WOMAN.

Ha Nigel your joke fell flat. Boo to you Nigel. Boo to you.

Ew God. Victor. Go Away. The Mav thinks he looks like the sort of person who has no consonants when he speaks and just goes so high with his voice as to be beyond the realm of human hearing.

Hehe. I need to use the word “reprobate” more.

Ew. Ashley. It is not ok to be leaving lash marks on your partner’s face from YOUR GROSS SWEATY LONG HAIR.

Ew puddles of sweat. Gross and dangerous.

How many times do they need to bring up the fact that she is married?? WE GET IT.

I love Etta James.

That is a dapper dapper man. And more graceful than a 100 pound girl. Hahaha he is doing all the tricks. Because he can. And is that awesome. And stop with the kissing. It is making everyone uncomfortable.

Adam, when you say “you guys” everyone knows you mean “Jacob”

*sigh* more praise for Jacob. Of course.

Victor and Bianca are that they each think that the other is ANNOYING.

YAY TYCE ROUTIIIIIIIIIIINE.

Definitely straining on these lifts there Victor. I feel like she is doing great here tho. But the fact that he is so off is throwing her off too.

CAN YOU FEEL IT. Cat Deeley looks confused. Interesting cricism – he feels like he knew that they were dancing. Very thoughtful and valid. I feel like he really put the nail on the head with what was wrong, on why it felt off.

Uh oh. Another Bollywood. Ho Boy.

Mollee, have you graduated from 8^th grade yet? Ew, why are you commentating on your partner’s bathroom habits?

I refuse to call it Molleewood.

OOoh sound effects. Not the best Bollywood we’ve seen. And the ending was kinda weird.

Hahahah it’s the Beatles in a bindhi. That’s funny.

God. Mary's screaming. I’m gonna dive for cover.

The Mav – “couple tweeny bopper” NEW NICKNAME.

Stop trying to vamp Kevin. I feel assaulted by your pursed lips. I get it. You’re hot. Thx.

EW CHANNING AND PHILLIP. Phillip, your grin is creepy. Freakish freakish grin.

Ooh samba. Let’s see if athlete dancer can move her ass. Cuz that’s what it comes down to.

OMG she might have a concussion. Ow Ow OW. How is she not unconscious.

Yes. Struggling. That’s putting it mildly. And yeah, you need to be supportive when you are both..kinda..sucking.

Still concerned about that concussion. Try not to keel over.

Ooh key – criticism gets rid of the grin. Noted.

Channing, you are tilting. Get that checked.

You have got to be kidding me. Ice Cream Paint Job? C’mon.

That was less dancing and…just gyrating. IT WAS I’m sorry.

AHAHAHA ADAM SHANKMAN JUST FELL OFF HIS CHAIR.

Kevin. Stop Vamping.

*sigh* The hot tamale train. Of course. I’ll just cover my ears right now.

Kevin. Stop Vamping.

‘You’re like an invertebrate, dahling”

Kevin. Stop. Vamping.

No. It’s not fine if you cry Legacy. It is never ok. In fact, it would be better for everyone if you just went home.

MAN. I hate it when dancer’s that I hate do well. It makes me feel guilty. *grudgingly* That was very pretty.

Peter, I’m glad you are cuter. OOoh Wade Robson. I wait expectantly for your music choice. Also, your explanations don’t make sense. The dancers are confused. NG Wade. Not Good.

YES LOVE THE MUSIC. I knew you would come through.

Cat – this is the first time I have caught sight of your SHOES hahaha. Classier pom poms on the heels.

OMG the Mav is overwhelmed with giggles.

Liked the Tango. Granted, I always love tango. Ahhh Argentina. Hooray for a well done tango. They are so hard to find. And I actually thought the dress was structured to be caught on the heel so that’s impressive.

Totes agree with the bottom four.

Interesting choice Bianca for tap. Tootsee roll by the 69 Boys. Damn.

Ok calling it. Phillip and Noelle are going home.

GIRLS: Oh wow. Bianca is going home. After years of trying…

GUYS: Philip Gone.

Awww I'm Two for Two Baby

Hooray two days in a row! I'll pause for your applause and general support.

Anyway, in my vast and difficult efforts to try and make my life interesting for you all, I realized there was one thing I do REALLY well. As I have told you before, I'm a pretty good baker. Well...most of the time anyway.

WHICH BRINGS US TO TODAY'S POST.

Re everyone's favorite topic. Donuts.

Now, don't lie. You know its true. Donuts are awesome. Apparently "awesome" is not the default setting for donuts. I was extremely disappointed to discover this.

Let's break it down.

These were Apple Cider Donuts. I figured this to be a sure fire WIN because its the beginning of apple season, and i would be able to swing the super high quality stuff from the farmer's market. The Coz was also going to chime in with a butter-apple-rum glaze that sounded top notch.

But no. There was no win for these donuts.

Exhibit A:

What is this you ask?

This is shortening. Probably the first mistake. The genius over at Smitten Kitchen said something the lines that because shortening is solid at room temperature, this would make the donuts less greasy.

LIES.

Well, lies for me anyway. Apparently, this only serves to make it MORE greasy. Like, Greasy bricks.

Another issue. I apparently thought that these were going to be light and fluffy and delicious, despite the total lack of yeast to make them rise. I also apparently thought that these would turn out nothing like the Buttermilk Brick donuts that weigh, like 2 pounds each, EVEN THOUGH THE RECIPE CALLED FOR BUTTERMILK.

Moral: I have curious blind spots when it comes to cooking certain things, and compensate a lack of ingredients with a dangerous degree of overconfidence.

Exhibit B:

I am pretty sure this is the type of donut that is supposed to have a hole in it. It is obviously a misshapen blob.

To sum up. This was a DONUT FAIL. A donot win, if you will.

This is what we ended up with:

THIS IS A HEART ATTACK + A STROKE + GENERAL MISERY ON A PLATE.

Oh, it's also topped with apple cider glaze and cinnamon sugar, because The Coz's butter rum sauce was another fail that burned and then sat and gurgled to itself for a few days on the stove top because I hate cleaning the kitchen.

So yeah. Unfortunately, escapes of this general theme are distressingly frequent, so I decided that they needed to be named. Many of the recipes I try out are taken from Smitten Kitchen, because her mad photography skills make everything look AH-MAY-ZING. My original thought was to call it Bitten Kitchen (cuz everything sucked), but that had TOTALLY UNINTENTIONAL vampiric connotations.

NOT ON THIS BLOG BUDDY.

Donut Fail. However, this did not mean they went into the trash. Because you have to be an idiot to throw away donuts. I just shortened my life span by a good decade per donut hole.

I wish I could say these had the sweetness. They just had the greasiness.