That's the Sweetness

Curating Awesome

2010-08-30T22:32:00.000-07:00

via: SlashFilm

Sometimes, I am made of awesome

2010-05-28T00:29:00.000-07:00

OMG they were amazing. I've been more-than-is-healthy obsessed with Smitten Kitchen for the past few days. Her argument about how 97% of things are better homemade than what you pay $4.00 for at Starbucks or Mrs. Fields is absolutely true. Splittin' 'em with The Blonde, and bringin some to work tomorrow before flyin' up to Portland for The Big's wedding.

Yes. Of course I'm going to hit Powell's Books. Don't ask stupid questions.

It's HOLMES homes! (Sorry)

2010-05-20T23:59:00.000-07:00

You know that feeling you get when you've got work and life and friends and the gym and all you want to do is go. back. to. your. book?

No? JUST ME THEN.

The Russell Holmes mysteries make me so happy, I geek out. The series is about Sherlock Holmes' wife: how she met him in the early days of the Great War, and their marriage in the 20s. The character is wickedly aberbic and rabidly intelligent, and gives Holmes a run for his money. I enjoy her immensely. This is the latest book, just out in April:

I spent about an hour at Crepes on Cole tonight with a strawberry-nutella crepe and a pot of English Breakfast, completely blissed out.

That's the sweetness.

Movie Review: The Losers

2010-05-19T22:07:00.000-07:00

Any one else would be dead by now? That's the tagline?

AUTOMATIC HEADS UP THIS MOVIE WILL BE AWESOME.

I love movies that don't take themselves too seriously. There are explosions, there are witty one liners, there are guns, there's even a crossbow. HELL THERE IS A REFERENCE TO PIRATES.

What's not to like? You HAVE to go into a movie like this without any expectations. Not even the expectation that you will be pleasantly entertained. I was worried, because the trailers attached to this movie included Step Up 3D and The Takers, a movie starring BOTH Paul Walker and Hayden Christensen. I don't really think anything else needs to be said.

Anyway...The Losers. Poorly thought-out plot? Check. Weak villain that backed by the US government? Check. Bazooka? Check. Wildly enjoyable? Check.

Totally win for a Wednesday night.

Go Petunias.

Tuesday is Music Day!

2010-05-18T23:32:00.000-07:00

"A stroke, you unbrookable ninny. The only stroke I have ever had is one of genius!!" - Mr. Edward Magorium.

Recently, I had a stroke of UNMITIGATED GENIUS. I decided to take guitar lessons. I have had a classical guitar in my possession for a few years now, but have never really learned how to play it. Sure, I say I am "trying to teach myself guitar" but let's get real here. If you want to learn an instrument, it takes discipline. It takes practice. It takes the guilt and the threat of potential embarassment of showing up to class without having practiced and TOTALLY SUCKING.

Needless to say, I needed the structure a class could provide.

Enter Zambaleta. This place is awesome team. If you live ANYWHERE in San Francisco, I strongly encourage you to check it out. It's got everything from Guitar 1 to Turkish singing to yoga to Haitian Kanaval dance.

It's so affordable that even I can handle it. In 5 classes I can pretty much play this:

Mad World by Gary Jules

More Gary Jules music on iLike

TOMORROW I PLAY THIS:

Ok, not really. BUT THAT WOULD BE PRETTY SWEET.

Kirk out.

Notes from Today (and possibly earlier)

2010-05-17T22:36:00.000-07:00

I offer the following:

For your edification:

On another note:

I've been OBSESSED with this video (and kinetic typography in general) for a while. Love.

Finally, a scene from our sponsors:

Roommate I enters apartment, chattering gaily about dim sum while raving about the condition of Fell post B2B.

Roommate II commiserates with story of LITERALLY THE UGLIEST TATTOO EVER (seen below)

Roommate I moves toward rear of apartment to change clothes, opens door and SHRIEKS, then falls over, roaring with laughter.

Roommate II, knowing what Roommate I has discovered, giggles like a friggin' LOON.

Enter innocent bystander (McDeezy) who peers curiously into Roommate I's room, then startles back, discovering THIS SITTING UP IN BED.

The End.

Fantastic News

2010-05-07T00:27:00.000-07:00

Attention all: The De Facto Publishing site has launched! Our fearless leader intends to "commission a tee-shirt that says PREZ immediately, as well as ring Barack posthaste about forming some sort of guild".

Sounds like a good plan to me.

There's even a new fan page on Facebook. CHECK IT OUT.

But the best part? THE BEST PART IS THAT WE ARE ALREADY ACCEPTING SUBMISSIONS FOR A NEW BOOK. Yes people. A book that will be PUBLISHED. In hard copy. It's pretty amazing.

De Facto Publishing is an independent, non-profit publishing house located in San Francisco, California. We are currently accepting submissions for a compilation of short stories.

We are looking for short stories centered around women in their twenties in California, those qualifications being the only limits for subject matter. We are interested in stories about work, families, homes, cooking, friends, relationships, sunglasses, your dog, new shoes--any sort of subject matter, as long as it pertains to the human experience of being a woman in her twenties in California. Your age doesn't matter, your gender doesn't matter- the point is to write a story that relates to being a woman in her twenties in California, whether it's personal experience, a witness account, a theory about it, or what you anticipate.

This is not a paid gig! This publishing house, as a non-profit company in an industry where the bulk of the revenue is generated by the top 50 publishing houses in the industry, exists to promote literature! What you will get is industry recognition and something for your portfolio.

Submissions are accepted in physical form only. Keep the story 10-20 pages, print it, and send it in a manila envelope with your contact information on the first page to:

PO Box 26367
San Francisco, CA
94126

Website: www.defactopublishing.com
Twitter @DeFactoPub
Blog: www.defactopublishing.blogspot.com

On the Internet

2010-05-05T20:53:00.001-07:00

My friends have joked that I consume about 90% of the Internet.

"Did you hear about the Muppets and the Webby Awards?" they would ask. But before they even hit "Muppets" I've already said yes. By the time they say "Webby Awards" I've already come up with the relevant video:

SO I'VE DECIDED TO CURATE THE INTERNET.

I'm culling these from all kinds of sources. My Reader (mostly) with interior design and recipes, Twitter (Whatever team, embrace it), and general things I've been sent from friends.

To start off, watch this immediately:

This went viral last Friday, and I've watched it probably 4 times since then. Hilarious.

Also, this:

That's the Sweetness.

Wait...what?

2010-04-12T19:20:00.000-07:00

The Cast: The Mav, The Blonde, and I

The Situation: Working on resumes

Topic: Where the HELL in Turkey has The Blonde been (like Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego, without the two-bit music)

So The Blonde is trying to remember the name of the island in Turkey she went on her cruise in case she is asked for specifics in her interview. We thought we had figured out the mystery when she exclaims in satisfaction, "WAIT, I REMEMBER! It was the one with ALL THE RUINS"

The one with all the ruins eh? The island with all the ruins in the Mediterranean Sea.

Oh. Of course. I know that one.

On Projects.

2010-03-30T21:48:00.000-07:00

I was speaking with The Coz today, off in merrie olde England, and I was getting all excited for summer. For her garden. Ok - for her mother's garden, which she will not be able to enjoy this year because she will be gallivanting around Europe, going to Operas in Vienna, and so on.

Because I am obsessed with Reader, and more specifically the glorious possibilities afforded to me by the source of instant gratification in the form of food blogs, Food in Jars was recently brought to my attention. Canning, apparently, is the new Thing. The new Cake Pops, if you will. As people move away from processed foods, and actually eye the nutritional labels to see the sodium content (and subsequently keel over from spontaneous cardiac arrest) the old-fashioned ways return.

See here:

Fascinating no? The product review seems particularly intriguing. I was not able to talk myself into the purchase however. I feel like I should start smaller with things I actually have available: blackberry jam, for instance. Or pickles.

Not making my own butter from the placid Cow I have in the backyard.

We shall see if this actually happens. I typically get all excited to start a project, but rarely actually do so. For example, the time I wanted to build a couch. Or last week, when I got all excited to make pillows out of my new bridesmaid dress.

However, when I DO start things, I typically finish them. For example, I am still working on my scarf! At this point it is NEARLY large enough to SWADDLE A BABY. So...I am still toolin' right along on that front.

Except when that "thing" that I start is Lent. I don't want to talk about it.

Pretty. Awesome.

2010-03-28T23:40:00.000-07:00

So, per the usj, I am late to the game of hooking up the old lappy to your roommate's SWEET HDTV.

And per the usj, I am kicking myself for not doing it sooner. The DVD player seems to have suffered a terrible and ugly death, and is refusing to work. I, in my infinite wisdom, elected to purchase the appropriate cables so that I could use the player in my lappy.

1) VGA Cable

2) Audio Cable #1

3) Audio Cable #2

Note that all three were purchased separately, with a great deal of frustration. But finally, FINALLY everything is working as it should, and it is a revelation. No joke - we just streamed Julie, Julia from Netflix and it was a piece of pie. Or Bavarian Raspberry Creme if you prefer.

Currently listening to my Ocean's 13 soundtrack through the TV while paging through the recently uploaded pictures of the work on the HOUSE for the 3rd time. Ask, and I will send photos :D

Inspired to write thanks to Meryl Streep. I love you Meryl Streep.

BON APPETITE

A Dinner Party

2010-03-25T15:28:00.000-07:00

The Menu:
Macaroni in an Extra Sharp Cheddar and Gruyere sauce with nutmeg and paprika
Mushrooms in a Marsala Reduction
Pao de Queijo
Green Salad with Blood Oranges & Apples with a fresh vinagrette
BV's Rutherford Cabernet Sauvignon

The Company:
3 neuroscientists, a professor of economics at Johns Hopkins, an entrepreneur, and (for the purposes of this post) an editor.

The Music:

Classical Violin

This sounds pretty impressive right? RIGHT

Everything else:
We ran out of dining chairs, and so 2 of our illustrious company were camping out on office chairs. The boys decided it would be fancier if we ate in the living room so we crammed the table in between the couch and the stereo. This meant that we were constantly clambering over the couch. We also ran out of plates...and one person jerry-rigged a "plate" out of a pot lid upended over a bowl. We didn't have enough wine, so people resorted to PBR.

It's like...we know what class is...and we aspire to it! We just couldn't...quite...make it.

Dinner was awesomely fun though. And delicious.

PS. I love that I am tagging this as both "Awesome" and "Fail"

That's a SPICY MEATBALL

2010-03-19T00:14:00.000-07:00

Except...it really wasn't. BUT IT WAS TOTALLY DELICIOUS.

Sidebar: I brought this up with my cousin today - about how often I will use caps, especially in my conversations with her. She pointed out that we tend to scream when we are around each other anyway.

Oh. Right.

Anywhoozle, LOOK AT THIS:

Jesus God. It's after midnight, and I'm still way full from my meatballs a few hours ago, but looking at this picture makes me want to go raid the fridge.

I won't though! I have something that was at one point a distant relative of self control!

You can find the recipe here from Pioneer Woman. I love her - her food is friggin amazing. EXTRA POINTS FOR LIVING ON A RANCH IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE, AND STILL MANAGING TO BE AWESOME.

Note - this being, you know, ME, I left a lot out. Aside from the parsley, which I hate buying cuz I use a tiny lil bit, and the rest rots in the fridge. Ew. But I also left out the whole 2 lbs of pasta part. And the whole homemade pasta sauce part. And the actually using spaghetti part.

I just dumped in the Bertolli we had in the "pantry" (pantry is in quotation marks because you can't really call the CUPBOARD ABOVE THE OVEN A PANTRY) over some penne we had lying around. Pasta is pasta. Whatever.

This ALSO got extra points because I finally broke in ye olde Lodge Cast Iron Pot:

That's the sweetness.

On Friendship...and Lemons

2010-03-18T00:48:00.000-07:00

I offer the following quotation as an insight into my relationship with certain of my friends:

"What ho!" I said.
"What ho!" said Motty.
"What ho! What ho!"
"What ho! What ho! What ho!"
After that it seemed rather difficult to go on with the conversation."

- P.G. Wodehouse (duh)

Indeed.

Many of the conversations I have had with certain of my friends of late border on the ridiculous. For example, after a woeful encounter with a sprayer, in which it might be said that the sprayer came away from the argument with less damage, the following chat ensued between The Blonde and myself (more or less)

The Blonde:. Please. I look like an oompaloompa. you should have seen me this morning. i scared myself.

me: are you orange with green hair?

The Blonde: i could be

me: are you 4 foot 5?

The Blonde: maybe

me: hmm in that case i don't think i can call you the situation anymore.

The Blonde: waaaaaaaait

me: im sorry. The situation cannot be 4 foot 5 with orange skin and green hair. i mean one of these symptoms maybe but all three? i dont think so.

The Blonde: hahahaha

me: id have to send you off to go work in a chocolate factory and sing silly little rhyming songs

The Blonde: theeeey scaaaaaare meeeeeee

me: exactly! So if they scare you you cannot be an oompa loompa; no one is afraid of themselves. unless they are a serial killer.

The Blonde: hahahahaha

me: and if you were a serial killer then no WAY would Morgan marry you

The Blonde: GASP

me: and since that is one of your major life goals

The Blonde: this is true

me: it can't possibly be true.

The Blonde: i like your hypothesis

me: you know what you call this? you call this irrefutable logic.

The Blonde: correct dear Watson. that is exactly what this is

me: i know it. im very smart.

The Blonde: you have deduced that I am NOT an oompa loompa and therefore i AM THE SITUATION!. WHAT UP
And now...regarding lemon rolls. I was slightly disappointed because the mother of the author of the recipe declares solemnly after tasting said rolls that "this is the best thing I have ever put in my mouth" Vast exaggeration, and if not then please allow me to introduce you to my Cinnamon Rolls.
However, they were prettttty tasty. And made good use of the meyer lemons that my friend brought me!
Zesty...and I can wait while you are oohing and aahing over my impressive shot.

...maybe it's not that impressive.

You put your ingredients in shot glasses right? No? Just me then. OKAY
Ahh...the finished product:

Recipe!!

Regarding Family Recipes

2010-03-16T22:11:00.000-07:00

It was my intent this evening to make my favorite soup, my grandmother's vegetable soup, a staple of Easter and Christmas dinners.

Or whenever I begged.

It's a good soup! With many vegetables for a particularly nutritious Tuesday dinner. Or it would have been had I not forgotten myself and used an entire stick of butter.

Damn. That was some tasty soup.

Also advice from Grammy when making this soup - "if it doesn't taste good, just add more bouillon!"

Bouillon FTW team. For the win.

NEXT UP - MEYER LEMON MORNING ROLLS - like cinnamon rolls, but with a delicious, lemony filling.

EDIT: I realized this post would be infinitely served if I ACTUALLY POSTED THE FRIGGIN RECIPE. So that all the internet can glory in its deliciousness:

2 cups lettuce, chopped (I used half of the heart of romaine head)
2 cups celery, chopped
2 onions, chopped (tears running down my face, per the usj)
1 carrot, chopped

Saute veggies in
1/2 stick of butter (of if you are, you know, slow of wits, an entire stick)
until you feel like the volume has reduced by approx 20%.

Add 2 cans of diced tomatoes and 4 cups of boiling water (electric kettle = awesome)

Simmer for 30 minutes.

Add 4 cubes of bouillon, salt and pepper to taste. Allow the bouillon cubes to melt and then the soup to simmer up again.

My grandmother says to keep adding bouillon till it tastes good, but this usually happens around 4 cubes.

Carefully ladle into bowls, making a minimum of mess, and present proudly to roommate. The Mav politely inquires as to how much butter is actually in the soup, declares it similar to eating a cookie, and happily consumes for 2nd dinner.

Cheers!
Frances

And now for something completely different!

2010-03-15T23:18:00.000-07:00

It will not have escaped the notice of the discerning reader that it has been many days, nay WEEKS, (moons even?) since a last post.

...

Moving on!

Interesting article in Vanity Fair today - apparently V.F. and 60 minutes took a poll of approximately 580 Americans. This poll lead to the conclusion that "Americans are like straightlaced, upright citizens who turn out to have a surprising quirky streak - the accountant with an entire room dedicated to his collection of Pez dispensers. Alphabetized by character"

I must say, I wish I could agree a little more strongly. Surely we could do with more of the quirk and less of the accountant!

I should note that they based this "quirkiness" trait on the fact that 9% of Americans, if given the chance to change the map of the United States, would choose to combine the Dakotas.

Riiiiiiiiiight.

Hi Welcome. I'm Confused. And You Are...?

2010-02-02T23:32:00.001-08:00

Oh - you are confused too? Yeah. Join the club.

The latest selection at the Non-Nerdy (Ok - maybe nerdy) book club is A Wild Sheep Chase by Haruki Mirakami:

And...what? Please be prepared for spoilers for the first 80 pages, cuz that is as far as I have gotten.

The Mav and I have discussed our feelings for this book, and so far they are generally not positive. She is displeased with the non-sequitors and general randomness, and I can't STAND the lack of timeline. I suppose that is unimaginative of me, but I like my stories to have a beginning, a middle, and an end.

The so called "sheep-chase" has just been introduced, and going from the back blurb, appears to be the main focus of the story. That being said, I think you could pretty safely compost the first 80 pages into mulch, and not really have done much injury to the story.

I AM SO CONFUSED. A great deal of attention has been paid to his girlfriend's ears? Apparently they are mindbogglingly gorgeous. Unfortch, I cannot empathize with the narrator here, as I have never seen a truly staggering set of aural accoutrement. I am always annoyed with a narrator I cannot empathize with.

Ok so this blurb provides a little more information - it is mock hardboiled mystery? Buckoes, this is NOT hardboiled. Not remotely. The closest egg analogy would probably be scrambled.

HOWEVER. We shall see. I like me a little bit of action - mayhap getting to the yolk of the plot (PUNS) will change my mind.

Being confused is not an uncomfortable state of mind for me after all, so I continue. Just muddled.

Images Courtesy of The Book Bark

A Photo Blog

2010-02-02T00:17:00.000-08:00

I would like to direct your attention to the amazing work of photographer Phillip Toledano - in Days with My Father he documents the relationship he has with his aging father.

The work is beautiful, poignant, and sad. Above all - the work is love.

...What? I CAN BE SERIOUS SOMETIMES.

All the better to keep you on your toes, my dear

Bicycles

2010-01-31T23:34:00.000-08:00

Queen - Bicycle Race

Via Flickr - Troy Holden

I did something magnificently impressive this weekend! I RODE A BICYCLE IN THE CITY.

Yes. You are impressed. I couldn't agree more - I am impressed too.

It was fairly terrifying (I got honked at, and stuck behind a bus) but TOTALLY WORTH IT. I now have a much better understanding of WHY The Man gets so frustrated with public transportation. If it's really all you have, there is really no point in getting upset, but when you KNOW there are alternative means and are STUCK taking public transit and its total lack of efficiency, one is bound to get a lil frustrated.

As you know, I consume vast amounts of images and information through my Reader, which over the years has hooked me up with interesting little niblets re two wheeled transport. Like so:

Whatever this is.

Something like this would be pretty wild and awesome if I loved in a city with NO HILLS AT ALL. Not the most practical here, but I can see how these can be immensely attractive in Europe.

Also, this:

Via Oh Joy

Stunning. Unfortch, a fixed gear. It's a CRUISING bike, horror of horrors. Entirely appropriate for cruising in Venice or Davis, but perhaps not for navigating terrain, buses, and traffic between Cole Valley and North Beach.

I suppose I will have to work my way up to being truly bad ass enough to ride to work every day. But the HILLS. O the HILLS.

January 4, 2010

2010-01-04T11:26:00.000-08:00

A few things should be mentioned in this, the dawn of the New Year.

1) The Twitter thing is consistently broken, so I have tossed it. GOOD RIDDANCE.

2) After YEARS of pining, I have a KitchenAid Stand Mixer. I would say, expect more awesome cooking posts, but considering my abysmal record thus far, I'll just advise keeping fingers crossed.

3) Both Avatar AND Sherlock Holmes were totally and completely worth the ridiculous, non-Cloverdale movie prices.

4) When I was a little girl, I would eat my peas and salad with ketchup.

That is all.

The Importance of Traditions

2009-12-18T23:19:00.000-08:00

Friends,

This is a Public Service Announcement.

The Westin St. Francis...has ruined Christmas.

EVERY YEAR. For as long as I can remember, my family and I would always ride the elevators at the St. Francis for my birthday.

Tonight, in accordance with that tradition, we approached the rear of the hotel - laughing, joyful, spreading good cheer. We go past the gingerbread castle, and the tree with electronic icicles. We turn the corner, and are confronted with a SECURITY GUARD, demanding to see a room key before we can go past.

Are you serious? I demand.

...he looks a little frightened. "I need to see your room key"

But I do this every year! For my whole life. IT'S MY BIRTHDAY!

...he meekly apologizes, and insists that he needs a key.

I lay into him: "You, sir, have RUINED CHRISTMAS. EVERY YEAR FOR 25 YEARS. TRADITIONS ARE IMPORTANT"...at this point my dad starts dragging me away. He consoles me by offering to collapse, as a distraction, thereby enabling me to sneak away to my elevators.

I should have cried.

Music

2009-12-16T22:31:00.000-08:00

So.

It is the 16th of December. Christmas is next Friday. I refuse to tell you where I am with my Christmas shopping; you will be enormously embarrassed. Whether embarrassed on my behalf for my amazing lack of shopping, or embarrassed on your end because you are horribly and terribly behind.

You will have to suffer in an agony of uncertainty.

However, one fantastic thing that did happen since my last post...days ago...was that instead of doing gifts at work, we all exchanged mixes. Brilliant idea.

HERE'S MINE:

1) Canto de Ossanha - Afro Sambas

2) Uptown Downtown - Benjamin Zephaniah

3) Hide and Seek - Imogen Heap

4) Cocktail Swing - Paul Englishby

5) Oye Como Va - Tito Puente

6) Obsessed with You - The Orion Experience

7) Ramalama (Bang Bang) - Róisín Murphy

8) Mahna Mahna - Cake

9) Koop Island Blues - Koop featuring Ane Brun

10) The Garden - Mirah

11) Evil Night Together - Jill Tracy

12) Comrade Z - Devotchka

13) I Wanna Be Loved By You - Marilyn Monroe

14) Tamacun - Rodrigo Y Gabriela

15) Old Devils - William Elliot Whitmore

16) Danger! High Voltage - Electric Six

17) Little Green Bag - George Baker Selection

18) Everything I Can't Have - Robin Thicke

19) Argentine Tango - By Someone I Don't Know

Look em up. Admire my impeccable music taste.

Do it.

Book Club for the Non-Nerdy

2009-12-06T22:19:00.000-08:00

OK...maybe nerdy.

I am in / have been in a number of bookclubs over the past couple of months. Currently, I am in two: The Book Club for the Non- Nerdy (ok maybe nerdy) AND my work book club. Since it really can't be a good idea for me to talk about work here, let's focus on the books selected by the non-nerds.

We have had a select few already:

Bonk: The Curious Coupling of Science and Sex by Mary Roach

The Three Coffins, by John Dickson Carr

Tender at the Bone, by Ruth Reichl

Blink, by Malcolm Gladwell

Interpreter of Maladies, by Jhumpha Lahiri

Today's discussion was regarding Lahiri's book, and team - I LOVED it. And not just for the company, which was fabulous. Everyone contributed something: there were spring rolls, and curry, and kabobs, and NAAN, and chicken tiki masala, and me. I baked. Per the usj: ginger molasses cookies.

I enjoyed the book itself, and I wasn't really expecting to, true literature not really being my bag. I had forgotten how much I liked the short story format - I found myself going through the book rather quickly. The stories are very human, and very full of what I deem to be the stuff of life - love, family, dealing with tragedy and dishonesty, growing up and growing old.

...well I suppose that was nerdy after all. Nerdy, and full of the sweetness.

On...Plants?

2009-12-01T20:01:00.000-08:00

Yes. Completely random, considering I have absolutely zero skill with plants. Seriously, I think I have killed my succulents. That's right! Built to survive Los Angeles, and I manage to kill them.

Ridiculous.

Actually, per the usj, you can blame this one entirely on Apartment Therapy for bringing SteamedGlass to my attention.

Specifically, Professor Alexander's Botanical Vasculum:

Yes, It's $200. But it. is. so. awesome.

So that of course kicked off a craving for terrariums of all kinds. And really - they have been all over the design blogs like cheap suits:

and

...You get the picture. You could even go whimsical! If you have whimsical tendencies (as I do):

And for the grand finale - you could go all out. Hard Core. The Real McCoy - except that I suppose these aren't technically terrariums, and in fact are closer to aquariums. The Man is attempting this. And you will all join me in admiration:

You know what you call this? You call this proof that the Chron is worth something, for supporting these men and their business:

I don't even have to SAY it - I can hear you all thinking it from here.

That's the sweetness.

Not tooo Shabby

2009-11-30T21:12:00.000-08:00

Well I suppose that posting on average every 2/3 days isn't too shabby! Certainly far better than I expected myself to do.

A few pictures of the Ranch for those of you who enjoy such things at this glorious time of year:

Next to the highway...

Close Up (yes I played with the saturation):

Holy Smokes it's on fire!

I know, right? LOOKS LIKE IT'S ON FIRE. I also enjoy how the cloudy sky is totally overexposed. Makes the fire brighter.

Also - note to random tourists: Please do not climb out of your car and wander around taking pictures. Where there is heavy machinery. And, when politely asked to leave...don't stick your tongue out. You look like an idiot.

In other news, the overabundance of gift guides in the Reader has me thinking of the holidays. I love Christmas. No amount of Scrooginess, or Grinchiness will deter me. I have carols on the iPod. I am busting out the ornaments. I am desperately craving spice of gingerbread, the headiness of hard sauce. I want to BAKE people.

In a word: Ready.

Can't. Even. Handle. It.

2009-11-24T16:15:00.000-08:00

Team, I just...I can't even...

I LOVE THE INTERNET.

MUPPETS. AND QUEEN. ALL AT THE SAME TIME.

I'm..I'm just so happy right now.

Right.

2009-11-23T20:50:00.000-08:00

I KNOW ALRIGHT?

I KNOW.

Any comments you various peanut galleries might have currently have the relevance of a cow's opinion.

They are moo.

HOWEVER, I would like to take the time to discuss with you all...the Bonfire. I was not fortunate enough to attend Saturday's game as I have in the past, so all I have to say regarding THAT is...

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA YEAH GO BEARS.

At least my absence meant that I did not have to sit through a performance of the Stanfurd Banned. Small blessings, I suppose.

Anyway, despite the rain on Friday, the Coz and I did manage to make it out to the Greek. I fought my way through campus - I couldn't even make it past Wheeler! I am hesitant to offer an opinion, but I must say that the Regents are dealing with a bad situation. The budget crisis is the reason for this mess, and really - slashing public education is so friggin' short sighted I can't even think straight.

RIGHT - moving on: there was FIRE and the University of California Marching Band and The UC Men's Octet (and the Golden Overtones too) and Tom Edwards and the Axe Cheer and FIRE and for once there was a funny sketch! There hasn't been a funny sketch in all my years of going.

It was awesome. To placate you I have pictures.

Before...

During...

And after...

Aaaaand then we left. Because it was pouring rain! And I've been to 6 bonfires. It was freezing, we went to La Burrito, went back to her place, made brownies, and eggnog, and watched Star Trek.

Awesome.

2009-11-19T21:59:00.000-08:00

So today, I forgot my Ipod.

No - let me rephrase. I forgot my entire music apparatus - no headphones OR iPod. Even worse, I realized I didn't have it RIGHT when I was getting on MUNI. I was filled with a curious combination of chagrin, resignation, and...horror.

Of course, I have forgotten my music before, but this was the first time I actually analyzed my feelings about it. Horror? Really? That I had forgotten music to listen to whilst working? Is that the hallmark of my generation that we have to constantly have some sort of input into our brains to distract us from matters at hand?

I, clearly, survived. It was a near thing, though, I'll tell ya.

The Blonde was training the Mav tonight, and the following conversation ensues while The Mav whimpers quietly.

"What are you writing about tonight, Fran?" says the Blonde.

"Writing about how I left my iPod at home." says I

"...Interesting..."says The Blonde, vaguely sadly and distinctly let down.

THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN I TRY TO SHARE PROFOUND THOUGHTS WITH YOU ALL.

WELCOME...TO SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE

2009-11-18T23:46:00.000-08:00

At the very last minute (aka Yesterday) The Mav asked me if I would be interested in going to go see the So You Think You Can Dance live tour in San Jose. I gave it some thought, argued with my internal accountant, before collapsing, inevitably in the face of awesome.

And team, I was not disappointed.

Ok - I was slightly disappointed that they didn't do the Argentine Tango.

BUT EVERYTHING ELSE WAS AWESOME.

It was sort of like a ridiculously high production value, super talented high school performance. The performances were amazing, and seeing it live was incredible. The transitions from performance to performance...were not.

For example, to introduce each other, they dragged out the name like they were announcing the MVP at the Super Bowl. HEEEERE'S JAAAAASOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON.

*cue screaming*

Seriously though - I had a great time. There was a running joke all night referring to the Russian Dance Routine that got SLAMMED by the judges. Jeanine and Phillip appeared at least 5 different times attempting to perform it, and were gently shooed off stage by the other dancers until finally the entire group performed a mashup hip-hop/folk-dance routine.

Crazy.

It was clear that either they themselves had written their own lines, or a random intern at the studio who had no idea what she was doing. However, the bottom line was that the performances were amazing, and the audience reaction was HILARIOUS. For example, the vampire routine with the music from Twilight - 40,000 females squealed.

As The Mav's friend said - SYTYCD simply brings out the 15-year old girl in all of us. Both my younger counterpart and I were well pleased.

The HELL Are We Gonna Do with THESE

2009-11-17T23:39:00.000-08:00

Well.

We have had a busy night here at Chez Sweetness. I stroll out of work to discover that, unbeknownst to me, it has begun to...mist. It's not rain, it's not drizzle, it's mist - that peculiarly San Francisco fog bank that comes into town EXPRESSLY to frizz hair.

It is extremely aggravating.

At any rate, I am due in Cole Valley to meet up with the Blonde, who has elected to come up from the dredges of F.C. and gallavant about The City. But first, she is coming to visit. I decide to kill two birds with one stone and do something productive, while she primps etc. And does this:

I don't know what this is.

At any rate, I decide to cook the what-the-hell-are-we-gonna-do-with-these shortribs.

They shall hence forth be known simply as The Ribs.

After the travesty of the last Cal game, I had gone to BBQ in Berkeley. Spareribs are not the most tidy of meals, and I had brought the leftovers (bones) to gnaw on in the privacy of my apartment. The Mav was duly jealous, and I picked up some ribs the next time I went grocery shopping.

NEEDLESS TO SAY. I picked up shortribs by accident. NO I DON'T have a slow cooker. Or a grill. Or any BBQ sauce handy.

So I did what The Sweetness does best when it comes to cooking. "Meh - looks about right" and lots of "Whatevs - close enough"

I made this: Braised Shortribs.

And to respond to the inevitable question of whether or not I made the accompanying horseradish gremolata and pumpkin orzo...Judging from the rest of the content on this blog, what do YOU think?

I set right to work, and you know what team? Turned out pretty friggin tasty! Sure there were some hiccups...like realizing that I had not taken them out this morning to defrost:

Yes, I needed a hammer.

Or getting distracted by these:

How are these even LEGAL.

But at the end of the night, I had a pretty delicious stew with The Ribs. I can do stew. Remind me sometime to tell you about my venison stew. Pretty delicious.

Well, I could tell you. But then I would have to kill you.

Tomorrow - SYTYCD...LIVE!!!

Stay tuned.

On Goats

2009-11-16T22:32:00.000-08:00

Tonight, The Man took me out to go see The Men Who Stare at Goats.

I liked it. He did not.

Ok, so it's true. I like most things! The Mav would say that there is hardly a movie I don't like, except for, you know, award winning dramas.

Whatever. I don't like movies that make me sad. I feel it defeats the purpose of the escape, if watching it makes you miserable.

BUT - I liked the acting. I enjoy George Clooney - he does a terrific deadpan. This wasn't even deadpan: he was seriously explaining to Bob, Ewan MacGregor's character, that he was a Jedi. I thought the movie was gently amusing, mostly because of Jeff Bridges, and his gentle soldier.

The Man thought the acting was fine, the cinematography was fine, and the movie was not. If you want to see George Clooney in a good desert movie, he says to go watch Three Kings.

But Three Kings does not have a goat:

The goat was totally the star. And Kevin Spacey. Because you can't tell Kaiser Soze that he got upstaged by a goat.

Another Blog Fail

2009-11-15T22:22:00.000-08:00

So I have noticed a pattern in my blog fails. My posting tends to be interrupted when life kicks in. Not such a bad thing!

Except for today. Today, I had no life. The Mav and I went to breakfast and the Haight. Speaking of the Haight, The Booksmith changed! There are things moving around and a new register and I DON'T LIKE IT.

Then we came home. And vegged. And made cookies! We had this whole plan to cook short ribs in the oven, but our endeavor was cut miserably short. Because we didn't feel like waiting 3 hours for a braise. Lamo.

In other news, the epically long scarf is coming along quite nicely! I managed to be productive whilst laying on the couch. It's gonna be gorgeous team. Purple! And Mysterious!

Managed to make it to the Academy yesterday - apparently, the South African Penguins that are chillin at the museum are also called "jackass" penguins. Because they are scrappy. And loud.

I find that amusing.

Noodles, and Broth, and Tripe - Oh, My!

2009-11-13T23:13:00.000-08:00

Full disclosure: this post was written with the help of The McDeezy.

McDeezy, the Mav and I just came back from Vietnamese food in The Sunset. We typically hit up Kevin's Noodle House for our soup noodle needs, and we came back just as expected. More than slightly sloshy - in fact, McDeezy claims to have a water tank where his belly used to be.

That's because bowls of pho tend to look like this:

That is to say, obscenely and awkwardly large. This picture actually looks to be a small bowl of pho. And it is STILL more than any one person could reasonably eat.

Unless you happen to be The Mav and/or The McDeezy. In that case, one would feel a sort of civic duty to finish your hugely enormous bowl of soup, noodles, tripe, beef, tendon, and maybe a veggie or three.

McDeezy is also puzzled by the fact that there must be a specific pronunciation of the word "pho". You can see this in the innumerable word plays available online. For example:

Nyuk Nyuk Nyuk.

Doubtless The Observer would have some thoughts regarding the level of foodiocy in this post. I would rate it a 8.76, mostly for sticking the landing with a solid inclusion of the words "nyuk nyuk nyuk"

Let the Wild Rumpus Start

2009-11-12T21:57:00.000-08:00

...with a RAWR.

Ahem. Sorry.

Let it be said at the beginning that I haven't seen Where the Wild Things Are. It looks beautifully done, but I just haven't been in the mood.

HOWEVER, Katastrophic and I did go see the Maurice Sendak exhibit that has been advertised all over the city at the Contemporary Jewish Museum off Yerba Buena Park in SOMA.

Team, it was charming! Perhaps this is a feeling that is shared by every generation, but I feel like the quality picture books that I knew and loved are simply not around anymore. I find myself thinking that when it comes time to be buying picture books again, I will most likely look to things that I read when I was small. And hang up posters like so:

Also side note: The Contemporary Jewish Museum is GORGEOUS. Check it out on Thursdays - its $5 after 5:00pm. Katastrophic and I hit up the Sendak and Jews on Vinyl exhibits (which was awesome: we chilled and chatted on classy MCM furniture listening to The Temptations do Fiddler on the Roof)

It was lovely - they displayed final drawings and concepts for many of Sendak's books, including The Night Kitchen which was always my favorite:

A lot of Sendak's work is politically motivated, which I didn't know. Down in the Dumps with Jack and Guy (1983) takes place in the homeless lots of the Great Depression, where kidnapping fears from the Lindhberg case are combines with Sendak's fears of the 1980s AIDS crisis.

WHO KNEW.

I leave you with the last image from Kitchen.

That's the sweetness.

Even Awesome People Have Off Days

2009-11-11T23:06:00.000-08:00

Team,

I have been wracking my brain all day for something to write about. Part of the point of doing "National Blog Posting Month" is that it gets one in the habit of producing something every day.

But the fact is that sometimes, NOTHING HAPPENS.

Or rather, a lot of things happen, but for various reasons, are not right for post purposes.

For example

1) The Man has a cold. Thus, being a kind and giving person, I made him chicken soup. Normally, I chronicle my cooking escapades and mess with photos, satiric commentary, etc. However this time, it was extremely straight forward. There was very little mess, and I even closed all the cupboards. Nothing exciting to look at either, because chicken soup is yellow.

2) The Blonde and I have a series of DIY projects that we are supposed to be working on together. But all we did was talk about them, and didn't actually make any progress. BECAUSE IT'S WEDNESDAY.

3) I am watching Battlestar. But I can't tell you my reactions, for Spoilers Reasons.

I'm not even reading anything interesting right now - just back issues of the New Yorker.

The End.

And Now...A Word from the Blonde

2009-11-10T22:33:00.000-08:00

What up yo? You may all know me as The Blonde - the one who hearts breaking Benjamin and the Sick Puppies. I live quite the adventurous life as a blonde, and I am here today to give you a little taste of what a day in the life of me is like: so swallow whatever you’re drinking...cause you’re about to get blonde-sided.

1) Straight Retarded (aka: Level 1 Blonde Moment or L1BM): Events that occurred when I was alone…thank God.

Example of L1BM....One day I drove past my office 3 times…. straight up, 3 times….which may not seem that bad until I tell you that my office building is BRIGHT YELLOW AND BLUE STRIPES ON THE OUTSIDE! A circus tent, if you will. Most people would notice a circus tent. Like this!

(Not Really)

2) Redic² (aka: Level 2 Blonde Moment or L2BM): These events occurred around other people, actually involved other people, and/or were said to other people.

Example of L2BM....Here are some classic lines, straight from The Blonde’s mouth

“Skrumchulecent” - meaning… the best thing ever!

“Tooth brush doing” … I couldn’t think of the phrase for brushing your teeth

“We’re gonna bump some fat tunes” meaning listening to the most epic music ever in your sick ride!

“He just got ‘blonde-sided’” (this actually has three definitions)

1) Blonde definition - When a blonde girl is talking and is distracted by a shiny object or whathaveyou.
2) My definition – When I am distracted by a Camaro or a word with too many syllables
3) Male definition - When he is distracted by an attractive blonde girl, losing his train of thought.

3) Epic Failure (aka Level 3 Blonde Moment or L3BM): Ummmm...even I think this one is self explanatory

Example of a L3BM....So everyone has their “bad” days. The car won’t start, etc. My “bad” day, was a straight FAIL. If you happened to look up the word “fail” in the dictionary, you would see my face, doing this:

Here is how it went down:

I woke up on a glorious morning, decided to make some skrumchulecent Peet’s. Who knows what happened, but I spilled all over my clothes. The entire cup. So I changed, said “F-that”, left my cup of deliciousness on the counter and decided I’d probs be better off with a lid of sorts. Perhaps a sippy cup.

I ventured out to Peets and got my triple small non-fat latte and maple oat scone. I then moseyed on to the circus. As I stepped out of my car (NO IDEA HOW THIS HAPPENED) I tipped my latte over and it spilled. Again. All. Down. My. White. Sweater.

Awesome.

So around 12, after finishing what was left of my small ass latte, I needed another caffeine fix, and I thought, you know, might be a good idea to stay away from coffee today….so I went for green tea. Healthy, full of antioxidants. Can't go wrong there, right? WRONG. As I was filling my mug with hot water, from the scalding hot water dispenser, I thought it would be smart to just place my thumb inside the mug. Why you ask? (don’t ever ask a blonde why… there is no logical explanation, it's like asking a dog why he eats his own poop… prolly because he can.

(Photography by Christine Edwards!)

So after icing my scalded thumb, I got a little hungry and remembered one of the reps brought baked goods to the office. So I ventured out into the main office area…and I walked into the table. Glasses popped off my face and landed into the box o’ muffins…. So naturally I tried to play it cool and be like, “oh hey look there’s muffins” when really I wanted to cry a little bit.. But I grabbed the first muffin I saw…which ended up being a banana nut muffin (gag me). So there I was, sitting at my desk, with a burnt thumb, wearing my white/coffee-stained sweater, and waiting to drink my "green tea tropical" because it was too damn hot. I know this why?....because I stuck my thumb in it. Right.

This would condclude my day of EPIC FAILED PROPORTIONS. A day in which all of my “smart” brain cells just said, “Toodles my noodle” and the blondeness caught up with me.

In which there are pirates. No Seriously!

2009-11-09T20:43:00.001-08:00

Yes. I know. I didn't blog yesterday.

Epic. Fail.

HOWEVER, leaving an after-party to BLOG is lame. Beyond lame. Pathetically Lame.

I don't like to do lame things.

The after-party was, of course due to the overwhelming success of Royal Jam at Battle of the Bands. I feel like I can state quite objectively that the brainy nerds absolutely stole the show.

Even the parents agreed.

But let's start at the beginning.

I arrive at The DNA Lounge (apparently "A disorderly house injurious to the public welfare and morals"...ok...) and go inside to hear confusingly loud music. Like, death metal.

NO JOKE.

For example, Aborticide, sounds like "a whirlwind mixture of experimental, avant-garde, post-apocalyptic cyber industrial death metal"

Royal Jam's influences include The Beatles, Dave Matthews Band, and Stevie Wonder. Right. They are awesome, and sound hauntingly beautiful.

(This is all Sharri! Sadly, she is off in Seattle, getting her degree in neuroscience. THANKS FOR LEAVING SHARRI.)

Unfortunately, I cannot tell you if the other bands were any good. I simply do not have an ear for metal of any kind, despite my previous employment experience doing time at Mayhem Festivals, etc. I TRIED, I'M SORRY.

What I CAN tell you is that not only did this Battle of the Bands span genres, it also apparently spanned ages.

Not, that you could tell or anything. I mean SURE, there were parents there! And SURE, they were definitely taking home videos as the kids on stage strutted their stuff and screamed hoarsely into the mike and then waved, embarassingly pleased at the camera. WHO WOULDN'T?!

I would say that most people wouldn't wear Halloween striped pirate pants to play a show. But that is just me. And anyone over the age of 15.

Somehow, Today Still Managed to be Awesome

2009-11-07T22:57:00.000-08:00

Against all odds, today still managed to be awesome.

DESPITE Mr. Best sustaining SERIOUS INJURY.

And DESPITE Cal losing to Oregon State AGAIN. Today didn't suck! Let's go into why:

1) I went to Imagiknit today in Noe Valley! I got neeeeedles AND awesome yarn AAAAND:

Awww Yeah. That's gonna be how I'm rollin. RIGHT. KNITTING IS COOL. Also, I've been stalking Etsy (per the usj.) and have found stupid cool patterns here, and here and here.

Adorbs. (FrenchPressKnits)

Anyway, clearly I am excited. Hooray for a creative outlet.

Finally, at the game today we find out that to the long list of championships that the University of California at Berkeley is proud to call its own, we can add concrete canoeing.

Also, I love that at Berkeley, we tend to do standing ovation cheers for our Nobel Laureates. Yay Economics.

And Go Bears.

A Battle Royale

2009-11-06T19:23:00.000-08:00

Ok, so "Battle Royale" might be a bit of an exaggeration BUT IT TOTALLY GOT YOUR ATTENTION EH?!?!

However, there will be a Battle. A Battle...of the Bands.

375 Eleventh St.

San Francisco, CA 94103

The Google checkout link I have is dead but maybe it'll work for you!

PLEASE COME OUT ON SUNDAY!!!! It'll be ridiculous amounts of fun. While I suppose, technically, I should leave it to you to make your own judgments about the best band there, but let's be real.

It's going to be Royal Jam.

Also, I tried to lobby today for a cover of "Don't Want to Miss a Thing" by Aerosmith, but was unsuccessful.

*sigh*

Happy, Happy Birthday

2009-11-05T23:08:00.000-08:00

Now, I have already spoken to most of you about this happy occasion.

Namely, that on this day, in 1955, mankind achieved time travel.

Let's hear a word from the great man himself: November 5, 1955! That was the day I invented time-travel. I remember it vividly. I wa standing on the edge of my toilet hanging a clock, the porcelain was wet, I slipped, hit my head on the sink, and when I came to I had a revelation! A vision! A picture in my head! A picture of this! This is what makes time travel possible: the flux capacitor! - Doc Brown

Truly, a great moment in the history of ever.

In the spirit of this international holiday, I offer you the following:

(If you have to guess the source, you have not been paying attention)

Doc Brown: [running out of the room] 1.21 gigawatts? 1.21 gigawatts? Great Scott! Marty McFly: [following] What-what the hell is a gigawatt?

Possibly one of my favorite scenes from the series. Cuz the next line of the movie is

UNLESS YOU GOT POWAHHH.

(Yay Etsy)

If my cousin, in South America, can quote "Think, McFly, THINK!" that is Truly the Sweetness.

The Time Has Come

2009-11-04T18:29:00.000-08:00

The Walrus Said.

To talk of Many Things.

That is really what this whole daily blogging thing comes down to right? Talking of many things. In my case, they happen to be very many. And varied. And RANDOM. But, you all know this.

Today's topic - MUSIC.

I have always been fascinated by music tastes. Seriously. No one person has the same taste as another. People listen to music that you wouldn't at all think they would like! The Coz? Likes soundtracks. The Blonde? hearts Breaking Benjamin and the Sick Puppies - seriously, a quarter hour spaz on how awesome they are. The Man? Phish. The Mav? CLASSICALLY TRAINED PIANIST.

Hell, the head of the Slipknot fan club is a middle aged mom from Bristol.

Me? I've been listening to a lot of gypsy polka. It's strange. I guess the moral is that you never can tell, and that someone's music choices really don't have much say in defining his or her personality.

Unless you are, like, obsessed with Clay Aiken. As in, you belong to his fan club. Unfortunately, if that is the case I PROBABLY KNOW WHO YOU ARE. And have probably kicked you off the site more times than I can count. Ah, memories.

I DIGRESS. The main reason for this post is because the girls at work have a yearly tradition of not buying gifts for everyone, but instead making a playlist and giving it out on a CD. Everyone gets new music, and no one loses money.

FANTASTIC.

I feel like the best way to do this is to probably just check out my My Most Played Songs (Thanks iTunes!). This will obviously feature Gogol Bordello, Jill Tracy, that one song from The Orion Experience, The Fratellis, and some Presidents of the United States of America.

HOWEVER. I will also mix it up with some Rodrigo y Gabriela, some Buena Vista Social Club, a little bit of swing and some classic Jazz. Please note that this will not constitute the entirety of my mix. Give me slightly more credit than that.

The trick? Getting it all to mesh into some sort of cohesive mix. Does order really matter any more? If one were to listen to the soothsayers in High Fidelity, then the answer is clearly YES, but I don't really find I stick to the order of my original playlist anymore.

Anyway, thoughts? Any songs I should Definitely Include?

Fake Live-blogging for SYTYCD

2009-11-03T23:55:00.000-08:00

AND SLIDING IN RIGHT UNDER THE MARK:

Tonight, we are trying an experiment here at The Sweetness. It’s called liveblogging. Well, technically it’s fake liveblogging, because 1) we are watching a DVR’ed version and 2) we are skipping commercials. There is really no point to recording my thoughts on commercials. C’mon.

OK HERE WE GO.

CAT DEELEY: I love you Cat Deeley and your British accent. Gives the whole show a sheen of legitimacy – see American Idol. Although your nude dress makes it seem like you aren’t wearing anything with that above the waist camera shot.

We’ve decided we don’t like Ryan. And his muscles. He runs around with the word “Adonis” tattooed on his forehead.

PLEASE WELCOME YOUR….JUDGEEEEEEESSSSSSSS

Adam Shankman – we love Adam Shankman

I feel attacked by Mary’s Earrings.

Dude. Nigel Lithgoe IS a cold hearted snake.

Although it appears that the studios have some sort of heart because BILLY BELL WILL BE BACK NEXT SEASON. There is no getting around it. He is just too awesome to not come back. Oh, and that other guy who got kicked off last week.

Noelle is back after injury. I don’t care, except that she is Russel’s partner. And I love Russell.

Fail at Rapping, Noelle.

OOH NEW COREOGRAPHER. I dunno about this whole tennis thing tho.

But Noelle, your voice is annoying and shrill.

So not hard core. Noelle.

Of COURSE it was a winning performance Adam. It has Russel in it. And the coreographer did a Miley Cyrus routine. That had to have been interesting.

So Adam, although you started out liking it…you kinda talked yourself out of liking it…

Mary, you tend to be too tentative. Also, you may or may not be wearing a bra. No. You aren’t wearing a bra. WEAR A BRA WOMAN.

Ha Nigel your joke fell flat. Boo to you Nigel. Boo to you.

Ew God. Victor. Go Away. The Mav thinks he looks like the sort of person who has no consonants when he speaks and just goes so high with his voice as to be beyond the realm of human hearing.

Hehe. I need to use the word “reprobate” more.

Ew. Ashley. It is not ok to be leaving lash marks on your partner’s face from YOUR GROSS SWEATY LONG HAIR.

Ew puddles of sweat. Gross and dangerous.

How many times do they need to bring up the fact that she is married?? WE GET IT.

I love Etta James.

That is a dapper dapper man. And more graceful than a 100 pound girl. Hahaha he is doing all the tricks. Because he can. And is that awesome. And stop with the kissing. It is making everyone uncomfortable.

Adam, when you say “you guys” everyone knows you mean “Jacob”

*sigh* more praise for Jacob. Of course.

Victor and Bianca are that they each think that the other is ANNOYING.

YAY TYCE ROUTIIIIIIIIIIINE.

Definitely straining on these lifts there Victor. I feel like she is doing great here tho. But the fact that he is so off is throwing her off too.

CAN YOU FEEL IT. Cat Deeley looks confused. Interesting cricism – he feels like he knew that they were dancing. Very thoughtful and valid. I feel like he really put the nail on the head with what was wrong, on why it felt off.

Uh oh. Another Bollywood. Ho Boy.

Mollee, have you graduated from 8^th grade yet? Ew, why are you commentating on your partner’s bathroom habits?

I refuse to call it Molleewood.

OOoh sound effects. Not the best Bollywood we’ve seen. And the ending was kinda weird.

Hahahah it’s the Beatles in a bindhi. That’s funny.

God. Mary's screaming. I’m gonna dive for cover.

The Mav – “couple tweeny bopper” NEW NICKNAME.

Stop trying to vamp Kevin. I feel assaulted by your pursed lips. I get it. You’re hot. Thx.

EW CHANNING AND PHILLIP. Phillip, your grin is creepy. Freakish freakish grin.

Ooh samba. Let’s see if athlete dancer can move her ass. Cuz that’s what it comes down to.

OMG she might have a concussion. Ow Ow OW. How is she not unconscious.

Yes. Struggling. That’s putting it mildly. And yeah, you need to be supportive when you are both..kinda..sucking.

Still concerned about that concussion. Try not to keel over.

Ooh key – criticism gets rid of the grin. Noted.

Channing, you are tilting. Get that checked.

You have got to be kidding me. Ice Cream Paint Job? C’mon.

That was less dancing and…just gyrating. IT WAS I’m sorry.

AHAHAHA ADAM SHANKMAN JUST FELL OFF HIS CHAIR.

Kevin. Stop Vamping.

*sigh* The hot tamale train. Of course. I’ll just cover my ears right now.

Kevin. Stop Vamping.

‘You’re like an invertebrate, dahling”

Kevin. Stop. Vamping.

No. It’s not fine if you cry Legacy. It is never ok. In fact, it would be better for everyone if you just went home.

MAN. I hate it when dancer’s that I hate do well. It makes me feel guilty. *grudgingly* That was very pretty.

Peter, I’m glad you are cuter. OOoh Wade Robson. I wait expectantly for your music choice. Also, your explanations don’t make sense. The dancers are confused. NG Wade. Not Good.

YES LOVE THE MUSIC. I knew you would come through.

Cat – this is the first time I have caught sight of your SHOES hahaha. Classier pom poms on the heels.

OMG the Mav is overwhelmed with giggles.

Liked the Tango. Granted, I always love tango. Ahhh Argentina. Hooray for a well done tango. They are so hard to find. And I actually thought the dress was structured to be caught on the heel so that’s impressive.

Totes agree with the bottom four.

Interesting choice Bianca for tap. Tootsee roll by the 69 Boys. Damn.

Ok calling it. Phillip and Noelle are going home.

GIRLS: Oh wow. Bianca is going home. After years of trying…

GUYS: Philip Gone.

Awww I'm Two for Two Baby

2009-11-02T20:43:00.000-08:00

Hooray two days in a row! I'll pause for your applause and general support.

Anyway, in my vast and difficult efforts to try and make my life interesting for you all, I realized there was one thing I do REALLY well. As I have told you before, I'm a pretty good baker. Well...most of the time anyway.

WHICH BRINGS US TO TODAY'S POST.

Re everyone's favorite topic. Donuts.

Now, don't lie. You know its true. Donuts are awesome. Apparently "awesome" is not the default setting for donuts. I was extremely disappointed to discover this.

Let's break it down.

These were Apple Cider Donuts. I figured this to be a sure fire WIN because its the beginning of apple season, and i would be able to swing the super high quality stuff from the farmer's market. The Coz was also going to chime in with a butter-apple-rum glaze that sounded top notch.

But no. There was no win for these donuts.

Exhibit A:

What is this you ask?

This is shortening. Probably the first mistake. The genius over at Smitten Kitchen said something the lines that because shortening is solid at room temperature, this would make the donuts less greasy.

LIES.

Well, lies for me anyway. Apparently, this only serves to make it MORE greasy. Like, Greasy bricks.

Another issue. I apparently thought that these were going to be light and fluffy and delicious, despite the total lack of yeast to make them rise. I also apparently thought that these would turn out nothing like the Buttermilk Brick donuts that weigh, like 2 pounds each, EVEN THOUGH THE RECIPE CALLED FOR BUTTERMILK.

Moral: I have curious blind spots when it comes to cooking certain things, and compensate a lack of ingredients with a dangerous degree of overconfidence.

Exhibit B:

I am pretty sure this is the type of donut that is supposed to have a hole in it. It is obviously a misshapen blob.

To sum up. This was a DONUT FAIL. A donot win, if you will.

This is what we ended up with:

THIS IS A HEART ATTACK + A STROKE + GENERAL MISERY ON A PLATE.

Oh, it's also topped with apple cider glaze and cinnamon sugar, because The Coz's butter rum sauce was another fail that burned and then sat and gurgled to itself for a few days on the stove top because I hate cleaning the kitchen.

So yeah. Unfortunately, escapes of this general theme are distressingly frequent, so I decided that they needed to be named. Many of the recipes I try out are taken from Smitten Kitchen, because her mad photography skills make everything look AH-MAY-ZING. My original thought was to call it Bitten Kitchen (cuz everything sucked), but that had TOTALLY UNINTENTIONAL vampiric connotations.

NOT ON THIS BLOG BUDDY.

Donut Fail. However, this did not mean they went into the trash. Because you have to be an idiot to throw away donuts. I just shortened my life span by a good decade per donut hole.

I wish I could say these had the sweetness. They just had the greasiness.

National Blog Posting Month.

2009-11-01T21:52:00.000-08:00

By now, you have noticed that my posting has petered off. Alarmingly. I started this blog halfway through September, and still managed to post 11 times. October is now over, and I only managed to post a measly SIX TIMES.

This is clearly unacceptable.

So it is with great trepidation (and excitement...but mostly trepidation) that I announce to you that I am throwing my jaunty fedora into the ring for NaBloPoMo.

I can hear you from here. "Frances, old thing, why are you spouting gibberish?"

NaBloPoMo stands for National Blog Posting Month, and is a spinoff of NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month). The great and prolific Coz has been doing this for nearly a decade now, and has successfully convinced me to join. Okay, pestered. Whatever. These details do not concern me.

The main point of NaBloPoMo is that one posts every day. Every single day. Please take it upon yourselves to leave nasty and threatening comments and text messages if you sense that I am slacking off. If the caliber of my writing has fallen dangerously past its already admittedly low point, please poke and prod so that my guilt pushes me into doing the right thing. Because that's how we Catholics roll, after all.

However, having this announcement count as "a post" would be lazy. Lazier than usual anyway.

So...HALLOWEEN 2009.

Dear San Francisco: Let's talk about the shenanigans on the N Inbound train last night shall we? For example, the mostly naked man. In a diaper. With mysterious bits of paper stuck to his body in a seemingly random fashion. Or the inappropriately exposed escaped prison convict in a gaping orange jumpsuit?

Granted, it was peak time (about 10) and sure, this is the main way to get downtown/to the Castro from the Sunset. But the Mav and I agreed. Many of the costumes seemed half-assed this year.

That's just disappointing. We saw a pair in clearly homemade costumes that had clearly taken a good deal of time. But we could not for the LIFE of us figure out what they were supposed to be.

Turns out, they were shrimp. I don't even know. If you are going to dedicate some thought and time into your costume, at least have it be somewhat recognizable.

A good deal of the slutty _______. An even greater deal of the DEAD slutty ________, but that is to be expected. Of course, my detective was pretty classy. I only ran into one other similarly attired p.i. - trench + fedora. Our rapid fire conversation went something like this:

Unknown Girl: (spots me from 10 yards away and runs up) - You are a detective!

Me: I AM a detective!!

U.G.: Do you have a magnifying glass? (shoves glass under my nose)

Me: No! But I have three mustaches!

U.G.: COOL!! Hey! Slutty ______! Take our picture!

Me: Would you like to borrow one of my mustaches?

U.G.: SURE

The slutty _____ proceeds to take our picture, and Unknown Girl runs away.

Three mustaches you ask? These are of course for use in my role as a detective for when I have to, you know, be undercover and stuff. See below:

This is the English Mustache. At least that's what I called it. For an inordinate amount of time, The Coz and I spoke in a ridiculous British accent while taking turns holding the 'stache. Turns out, I have an alter ego - a personal gentleman's gentleman named Spiffington. Picture the men of Monty Python's Flying Circus and their innumerous drag sketches, and you will come close to the preposterous accent I was affecting.

Now, this is the mustache of the sneaky Frenchman. I CANNOT do a French accent. Instead I kept parroting the lines from "The End of the World" - Sheet guys, zey are coming! Fiere our sheet!

And, finally, the resident Canadian disguise. You will notice I am grinning like a loon - the inimitable Kate Beaton has a comic strip in which she parodies Canadian history. Now, not being Canadian, much of the humor flies over my head, but there is an underlying theme: Canadians are friendly.

QUITE THE SWEET START TO THE MONTH OF NOVEMBER WOULDN'T YOU SAY SO?

I do say so.

PS. I registered on the official site because apparently there are prizes! I love prizes. It involved labeling this blog as about "food" and "humor". A stretch? Perhaps.

San Francisco Ferry Building Farmer's Market

2009-10-27T01:03:00.000-07:00

Saturday was a happy happy day. Got to meet up with The Big for the first time in MONTHS. Honestly, the way medical school destroys relationships is almost offensive. An unexpected trip to the Bay just in time for the Game (49-17 GO BEARS) meant that we got to meet up for brekkers.

Being a genius, I volunteered the Farmer's Market as an excellent source of pre-game nourishment.

Instead of being smart and healthy young people, investing in our future with colorful veggies:

we instead opted for the delicious Golden Gate Breakfast Muffin. With Bacon. Duh.

We walked and chatted, and sat and chatted, and ate and chatted. When you go months without speaking to people, you tend to have a lot to catch up on.

Appropriately spirited flowers:

We both kind of wished we liked egg plant more after seeing the color on these puppies. But...they are gross! And kind of rubbery!

Tomatoes...I can get behind. However, at the end of the summer, you have had enough caprese to tide you over till the next June.

Instead, we have harvest season:

Side note - late season harvest was last week for Simi. Delicious.

I actually had an ulterior motive in dragging The Big to the farmer's market:

That's right. Apple Cider. Fresh apple cider. For Apple Cider Doughnuts.

THAT'S RIGHT.

I don't even need to say it. You already KNOW how sweet it is.

Ok So Here's What Happened

2009-10-20T22:12:00.000-07:00

This post has multiple parts:

Thursday - Chez Panisse

Friday - ZOMBIELAND

Saturday - Alternative Press Expo

Sunday - Chaja

CLEARLY ITS BEEN A BUSY COUPLE DAYS.

So Thursday - it is the Man and my 1-year anniversary (balloons). I'll wait while you go throw up from emotional overload.

...

Although the two of us are both very bright, we are both very broke, so choosing to go to Chez Panisse was kind of a big deal. Luckily, Ms. Waters totes delivered. I had never been to this excessively fancy restaurant before, but I was well pleased. It's a very warm room - the lighting almost reddish, reflecting off the hammered copper lamp shades and sconces. We sat in the back corner against what looked like a mirrored wall, and the light shone off the sconces and lampshades and warm polished wood and made the food look amazing.

First was pate de campagne, with mustard and carrots and beets and green beans and cornichons. My experience with pate is...limited, and my palette is comically inadequate but it reminded me of the way you kind of always wished cured salumi would taste - wild, but softer.

I screwed up my courage and took pictures for the rest of the courses with my dinky lil point and shoot camera:

This was probably my favorite - 3 soups combined into one awesome party: spinach, corn, and pepper. Now, looking at that list o soups, you would think they would be all jostling for attention: corn is always sweet, and spinach is unmistakeable, and pepper is...pepper. Instead it was like they all came to the party and were like "hey, what's up..." and that was IT. They MELDED and as you swallowed they made themselves heard in different parts of your tongue. Also, HOORAY FOR MARBLING.

Ok, so main course: Grilled Sonoma Liberty duck breast au poivre with chanterelle mushrooms and gratin dauphinois. A fairly traditional way to do au poivre, but the duck was perfect. Melting meat is a curious sensation, but there you are. The potatoes were delicious - not heavy at all (quite the feat for gratin) and sort of tangy. It was awesome to have au poivre a different way, seeing as the Sinks usually rock the venison au poivre (only in our family its venison + black goop. Yeah.)

To finish up, a Tarte Tatin with the first Pink Ladies of the season, with a scoop of housemade creme fraiche ice cream.

Yum.

Dissecting a meal like this is definitely out of the ordinary for Sweetness (I am sooo not Ruth Reichl), but it was a special occasion.

This post is getting long, so I will leave you with these one liners:

Friday - ZOMBIELAND. Go see it. Rule #32 Yo.

Saturday - Alternative Press Expo. I got the BEST ART EVER. I love meeting creative people, even though this is how most of the conversations went:

Artist - Thanks for checking out my stuff! You guys artists too?

B - I draw on the side, but I mostly do a lot of writing.

F - Nope, just jealous.

I suppose I have baking. I have reasonable assertions that I'm pretty good at it, despite the incomprehensible messes.

Sunday - Chaja. Dad's birthday + Excuse for making DECADENT Brazilian dessert. Unfortunately, this is really not a dessert suited for photography. Like, at all. In the words of the Mav, it's a hot mess. But it has dulce de leche! And that is enough for me. Recipe will be posted after it has been translated from the odd blend of Portuguese and Spanish that is the peculiar language of the Fernandez-O'Keeffe's.

I love it when my life has the sweetness.

BREAKING NEWS

2009-10-15T12:29:00.000-07:00

Fantastic news team!!

POLAROID IS COMING BACK. Sort of. If you are loaded. And special.

Sadly, I can only be one of the two at a time. Today it is special. Being loaded will have to wait for another time.

BUT YAY FOR POLAROID.

They've had the sweetness since 1948. Vintage, classic sweetness.

Re: The Alameda Flea + HSB

2009-10-07T16:12:00.000-07:00

I know right? You had to do a double take because you thought HSB = HSM = High School Musical, and your head almost exploded. I would have freaked out too.

Instead, HSB stands for Hardly Strictly Bluegrass, which was FANTASTIC but more on that later. Allow me to expound on the TOTAL AWESOME that is the Alameda Antiques Fair, known by those of us...in the know...as the Alameda Flea.

This place has everything you didn't know you needed (or wanted) and maybe more. For example, how much do you TOTALLY want a new phone? With a rotary dial? IN GREEN?

I KNOW ME TOO.

Next up, we have vintage London bus rolls. I really don't have any desire to live in an overly expensive SOMA loft (although I wouldn't mind living in an old warehouse. With brick siding. ahem) I could probably make these right? With relevant Bus lines? Maybe not...

Walking around the corner, I am jolted to a stop by this:

Now, I know what you are thinking. A marquis frame (lights included and working!) surrounding the Batman Forever movie poster. I know I speak for a definite minority of people when I say that Jim Carrey's Riddler was hilarious, and that I found Tommy Lee Jones hysterically unbalanced, but even I realize the folly of this sales move.

Farm animals. Made out of tin. And then piled haphazardly on one another. Need I say more?

I think not.

Some of you, seeing this next picture will gravitate toward disparate parts of the photo.

Some to the cool ashtray, some to the vintage oval coffee table, and still others to the avocado green circle bench. I myself took this picture for the GIANT FISH. BECAUSE OMG GIANT FISH.

and also... FOR THE PILE OF WOODEN DUCKS.

Because, c'mon. How often do you see a jumbled pile of wooden ducks?! I can't really imagine that it's all that often. Unless you are a duck hunter. And these are your decoys. In which case I would tell you that they clearly need some TLC. No self respecting duck is going to be fooled by this amount of chipping paint, and then who is gonna be sorry come dinner time? Not the duck my friend.

And finally, I will end this with jewelry.

Because this is my blog. And we all know that's just how I roll.

A brief note on Hardly Strictly Bluegrass. After a MASTERFUL effort of trying to get into the park (seriously, took us 3 hours) we arrived! And got to briefly hear Neko Case! And were offered miscellany by several different strangers!

I love San Francisco.

And before you ask, I did indeed pick up a few things for myself at the Flea. One, a blue and white china tea cup that is inscribed with Made in Occupied Japan. And a skeleton. Made of wood. And gold leaf.

He hangs next to my bed and leers at you when you walk in the door.

I love him. His name is Tomas "El Dulce" Molina. He oh so totally has the sweetness.

Re: The USC Game

2009-10-07T16:11:00.001-07:00

Let's get down to brass tacks people.

When it comes to the Trojans, the Bears have a less than pristine record. In fact, it is almost uniformly DARK except for the one bright, shining spot in 2003.

*tear* Excuse me, I get emotional just thinking about that game. So beautiful.

Anyway, despite an awesome pregame first at The Ferry Building, and then at the Lair (exhibit A)

...we just couldn't get the act together. It was a mess. In the beginning, it looked like optimism would lead the Bears down the field, but this was closely followed by an interception. In the end zone. Best was held to under 50 yards and the Bears were demoralized almost from the start.

Heart Wrenching.

Also, have you ever tried to take the downtown Berkeley Bart after a game? MADNESS. It looked like a scene out of Independence Day, when the aliens drive everyone out of the city and traffic is INSANE. That's what the Bart station looked like. A solid mass of people. My shoulders were cringing, both from people-claustrophobia AND an irrational fear of an alien attack.

Argentina Part 1 - Miami

2009-10-02T22:15:00.000-07:00

Of the innumerable blogs I follow, one of my favorites has to be The Big Picture, out of the Boston Globe. Mr. Taylor collects the best AP and press photos internationally, and places them all together, always relevant to some current event. Check it out, Team - Monday, Wednesday, Friday.

Thanks to UNESCO adding Tango, it put me in mind of the recent trip to Argentina, and the fact I had never really posted pictures. Also, the fact that I kept a travel journal whilst...traveling, really prompted me in starting this silly blog.

TO BEGIN:

At this point, most of you have heard about the insanity that was our first attempt to leave the country. Heavy storms over TN prompted major delays, so we missed our connecting flight from Miami to Buenos Aires. The next flight wasn't for another...24 hours.

Awesome.

So we chilled in Miami! From this I learned several things:

1) Smart phones are so critical. Like seriously - the Airline kept telling us to use our Blackberries to figure out hotels and the status of the flight. ONLY WE COULDN'T DUE TO OUR TOTAL LACK of smart phones. Blackberries or otherwise.

2) Cabbies in Miami are jerks. For some reason, our Chosen One decided to take us on a merry tour of the freeways between the Airport and our "Airport Hotel" for 35 MINUTES.

3) Miami in June is Impossibly. Hot. Gross Hot. Shirt sticks to back and seat and surrounding objects Hot. Eww.

4) Iguanas in Florida are like Deer in California - everywhere.

5) If someone offers you the chance to drive a cigarette boat, you take it:

MmmmGoBears.

Geeking Out

2009-09-30T10:23:00.001-07:00

Team, I am geeking out.

Yesterday I had my orientation to be a volunteer (technically an "orienteer" but I will get to that later) at the California Academy of Sciences.

I KNOW RITE - TOTES AWESOME.

I show up at 9 at the rear entrance after swinging by Jamba and picking up a delicious Carribean Passion. One of these days I am going to get a Peanut Butter Moo'd just to see...

I DIGRESS. Have another picture:

So I get there at 9 and there are around 10 other people standing around, grinning their heads off. I check, and find that I, too am grinning my head off. Why? BECAUSE IT'S THE ACADEMY. AND I AM GOING TO BE WORKING THERE.

Ahem.

We are gathered up and escorted to a conference room where there is water and cookies laid out. I grin a little bit more, and it becomes a bit fixed as we introduce ourselves and then are treated to an hour long health and safety presentation. The head of Volunteer Services tries to spice it up a bit by inviting one of the oldest volunteers in the program - this lady has been with the Academy for 25 years. She looks to be about 84, and strides all over the museum. When not volunteering with her husband, they travel the world together. In two months, they will be cruising the Amazon.

Of course.

FINALLY, we begin the tour. We hear about Claude, the albino alligator. The Academy had originally commissioned a mating pair - Bonnie and Claude, but Bonnie beat up on Claude so badly they shipped her back to Florida. Claude is mostly blind, she would sneak up on him, and he would back up into the tank walls. Since she's been gone, he's gained 40 pounds.

We hear about Pierre, the South African Penguin. In one of his last molting cycles, not all of Pierre's feathers grew back. So they made him a lil wet suit. They also call the director of the Academy, Greg Farrington, Pierre. Apparently he loves them. And he is adorable.

The Gorilla in Africa Hall has human hair plugs (he was starting to go bald, and the conservator's son apparently had gorilla-like hair)

The panther in Africa Hall was liberated from some poachers.

The fake woodpeckers overlooking the Swamp have gone extinct in our lifetime.

The poison dart frogs in the Rainforest are plastic. Because they are poison. (Apparently this is an issue)

Clearly, I could go on. The bottom line is I AM SO EXCITED TO BE WORKING THERE.

The Academy OH SO TOTALLY has the sweetness.

Note: All pictures are from the Academy's Flickr

Commentary on...The Creatures

2009-09-27T23:25:00.001-07:00

Yes, yes I know it has been an unforgivably long time since the last posting (almost a week! HORRORS) but team, I have used that time productively. And I feel that it is now appropriate to comment on my reading choices of late. Namely, those with a theme of Creatures. In Classic Regency Literature (please note the Capitals - they are for emphasis)

Just so:

And here:

I know RIGHT? Totes awesome.

Over the past few weeks, I have had conversations with several naysayers: "Frances" they say, "Old egg - you cannot expect us to take you seriously when you are walking around with this book in your hand bag. In fact, we really don't feel comfortable walking around with you at all. Please go sit over there - next to the woman carrying four different containers of soup on Muni."

Friends, I can understand your hesitation. Why mess with Jane Austen? Do we really need satire OF satire? With plenty of zombie fun to be had here, here, and here, do we really need zombies in another medium?

The answer is yes.

The thing I enjoy most about these books is the fact that the tone is kept consistent. As calmly as the sisters Bennett might discuss the weather, they discuss the merits of various patterns a cauliflower garden might be laid out, to better lure in the bands of zombies that roam the countryside (zombies being ably distracted by the resemblance of cauliflower to brains). As Marianne Dashwood frets over the attentions of Willoughby, Colonel Brandon frets over Marianne (while the elder Elinor Dashwood looks on, repulsed by the tentacles that Colonel Brandon has encrusted over the bottom half of his face, courtesy of a sea witch's curse). I am entertained by the juxtaposition of the two worlds - the Regency England that Austen satirized, and the Creature-filled England by which the new contributors satirize Austen.

I appreciate a classic as much as the next. Indeed, I cannot abide the thought of a zombie or vampire eeling along next to Jeeves, suggesting various sock and jacket combinations to Bertie. However, at this time, I feel that the world was ready for a re-interpretation of Austen. And I must say that the entertainment gained from these books makes me want to re-read a few Austen classics.

And really - until they release "Emma: Matchmaking Amongst Werewolves - A Field Guide" I shall just have to re-read Persuasion, in its original Austen form.

EDIT: I must admit, I also enjoy how "Pride and Prejudice and Zombies" rolls off the tongue so pleasantly, and the alliteration in "Sense and Sensibilities and Sea Monsters" is really quite awesome, but I have not yet come to a decision on the rhyming in "Adventures of Huckleberry Finn and Zombie Jim". I'll let you know.

EDIT Part Deux: I really am not even going to comment on the DISGRACE that was the Bears on Saturday. Seriously. I don't want to talk about it.

A Letter to the Editor

2009-09-22T23:05:00.000-07:00

Dear Napa,

I know, I have been neglecting you. I kept pushing you off, and pushing you off to repeatedly go wine tasting in Sonoma. Please don't feel bad, it isn't your fault. I have just felt completely fulfilled in my relationship with Sonoma. But you have been teasing me, with your whispers of champagne and movie stars. The lush Napa Valley wines available at all the restaurants, while oft times Sonoma languishes near the bottom of the wine list.

And so, I cheated.

I have only myself to blame, Napa. I cannot hold you accountable for my behavior. But all the while I was with you, I was thinking of Sonoma. I have written a poem to describe my feelings (and it even rhymes!)

O Sonoma

Your shorter lines do thrill me.

Your less expensive wines do quench me.

I seem to irk the bar tenders here.

It's almost (but not quite!) enough to make me order a beer.

Sonoma inspires me to...not just bad, but repellant poetry, Napa! What do you do? Sure, you may impress me with your gorgeous hotel and the lovely food, but you know what? I will attribute my grand ole time to The Man + 2.

To sum up, Napa. I had a fabulous time. You tried your best, a wild fling. You went all out with the weather, and the wineries, and I get it! You are kind of a big deal.

But in my heart, I am just a poor Sonoma County Farmer. It would never work between us.

Love,

Frances

PS. Is...that a forest of concrete toadstools Napa? WTF.

Bananas in Pajamas

2009-09-19T01:08:00.000-07:00

I will tell you right now, that the title of of this post is misleading. Now before you bring on the Spanish Inquisition, I have something for which to mollify you.

This is, in fact, about Cinammon Rolls.

Now, some of you may rightly be suspicious of my mad cooking skills.

And after the raw salami + fig debacle, you might be right. But this is about baking. And team, I can bake. I am notorious for making enormous messes, and leaving cupboards open.

See here:

And here, The Coz dropping butter (obviously haphazardly) into the frosting:

But the fact of the matter is that, nearly on a regular basis, I can churn out delicious, nutritritous treats. Ok, maybe nutritious is a bit of an over statement,

and yes, that is an entire box of powdered sugar. But if at 1:00am in the morning, The Mav, the Coz, and I can all sit down with a freshly baked cinn. roll, then my work here is done. And it's awesome. And I did it all with Boris and Doris traipsing all over the Florida Keys in the background.

Now that is why I have the sweetness. And now, so can you.

The Wilds of North Beach

2009-09-17T23:19:00.000-07:00

Team:

While I am not actually disgruntled, I am far from being gruntled.

I work in a very beautiful part of San Francisco. I get to enjoy a nice little stroll down the Embarcadero in the wee hours of the morn. Birds chirp. The old fashioned rail cars clang cheerily as they roll pass. The smell of the sewers is even pretty negligible. And after months of moping around Cole Valley, and months before that moping around Downtown Oakland, you must understand it is almost like Camelot.

Ha. I come to find out to find out, it is in fact a very silly place indeed.

I receive an email from Security today, informing us that they had received word of an armed gunman in the neighborhood, and would be locking the door for the rest of the day. Employees were advised to not venture outside.

I'm sorry. What?

I worked in Oakland during the Bart riots this winter. I would leave work long after dark, and we would walk in groups the two blocks to the Bart station. I never received company warning of armed gunmen in the neighborhood.

Then again perhaps this was to be taken for granted.

A gunman? In the shadow of Coit Tower? What does one say? In the words of one of my favorite authors, "Very good", I say coldly. "In that case, tinkerty-tonk".

And I mean it to sting.

The Mav...On Yoga

2009-09-16T14:59:00.000-07:00

Hooray! The Maverick has graciously agreed to provide us with the sage and wise thoughts she experiences whilst bending herself into crazy shapes.

I always get so excited when I climb the stairs to my yoga class. I go to one of those pretentious yoga places that doubles as a spa and also sells clothes and candles (I’m a yuppie in SF so …natch).

Before my class, I take a quick glance around the room and pray that my “spot” is open. Yes, I have a “spot”. Of course I have a "spot" - what do you think this is, pilates? No.

Anyway, it's all the way in the back near the rear window. I mean, really, who wants to do yoga in the front of the class. There are at least three other people behind you and when you do Vinyasa like I do – you spend most of your time in downward facing dog (or "ass-to-the-world”)

Crap. My yoga teacher points me to front and center. Next to some tan, skinny dude who looks like he's a vegan, probably makes his own granola, and uses Dr. Brommers. Ugh, fine. Good thing all I ate before class was a banana (I have a harder time doing upward facing dog after I’ve stuffed my face with say…bacon fried rice).

We move through the various poses and my whole body loosens up. Downward facing dog begins to feel like a resting position as we go to high lunge (aka make-your-thighs-burn), eagle pose (twist-all-your-limbs together-aaaannndd-HOLD), extended triangle pose (hello side muscles. How are they, you ask? Oh, they’re fine. You just go ahead and try this pose for a while, then get back to me. kthx.).

Yay! Time for new poses!

“Ok, stand up and reach for the sky”
Ahhh, reach for the sky. Wow, my back is really stretching. I could really go for a hot dog right now. Wait, focus.
“Now bend down into full fold”
Hells yeah bitches, I can full palm it to the ground. Hellooo hammies.
“Now take your right arm and extend it next to your right inner thigh”

Hehe, right arm in right thigh. Teehee. Jeez, come on, focus! Ok, extending the arm.

“Now twist your left arm around your back and grab your right arm”
Uh, come again? Ok, Ok. I got this. Twist and…reach…and…oh! I got my arm! I’m in the bind! YESSS!!!! New pose, I conquer you!
“Now go ahead and lift off with your right leg and come to standing”
...I’m sorry. What?
“That’s right, just come to standing”

...I'm sorry. What? You mean, this pose keeps going???

“Lift off with your right leg”

Lift off? No…no. My leg is just fine where it is. Rooted next to my other leg, keeping me from falling on my ass. You know, since I’m all twisted in a pretzel. Damn, hippy granola lover has already taken off. I bet he cheats, and eats pretzels. OK! OK! Lifting off…oh dear…here we go…uh...OH! I’m standing! Whoa…

And for the next 70 minutes, I am in the zone. Thoughtless, content, happy.

Now that’s what I call the sweetness.

Where Have All The Hats Gone?

2009-09-14T20:49:00.000-07:00

I feel like this is an extremely common lament amongst my girlfriends. We are always drooling over Cary Grant or Jimmy Stewart or William Powell or WHOEVER, simply because he is wearing a hat. And he looks damn fine in it.

The Mav and I also enjoy our hats:

And yes, we frequently do look debonair, thanks for asking.

Funnily enough, for once The Chron has written an article that provokes interest and now I'm FASCINATED. A custom fit hat?! HOW AWESOME DOES THAT SOUND?! Fabulously decadent? Maybe. Totally unnecessary? Definitely.

But the fact remains, team. I look awesome in hats.

Those Sturdy Golden Bears

2009-09-14T00:23:00.000-07:00

Team, there are few things that I enjoy more than a full day of football. Especially with a schedule as follows:

11am - Wake up

12:30 - Mosey over to Berkeley

12:45 - Hit up Cheese 'N' Stuff and devour a Thanksgiving sandwich (complete with Cranberry!)

2:30 - Stroll up to the stadium with a sense of purpose, saunter into the Young Alum section next to the band, and proceed to absolutely murder Eastern Washington.

I mean seriously:

59-7? Let's keep it real. Roll on You Bears. Especially you, Mr. Best. You keep it up. Any sort of action that can promote scenes like this are fine by me:

God, I love football. I especially love it when we win. Go Bears. I will leave you with this final image from my college graduation:

Now that's what I call the sweetness.

Ficus Carica

2009-09-10T18:23:00.000-07:00

Aka...the fig. Specifically, the Calimyrna Fig. My grandmother has a fig tree in what is left of the orchard behind the main house. You can see her below, clearly trying to suffocate the dog. The dog has other ideas.

This particular fig tree was SPECTACULAR for climbing when I was young (and when I say young, I mean last weekend) after it had been cleared of all snakes, etc.

BUT I DIGRESS.

I have this habit of seeing a recipe that I think sounds delicious, and then trying to make it work with whatever I have in the kitchen. For example, I picked the following out of the girl and the fig cookbook that I picked up from the library:

Prosciutto-Wrapped Figs

12 fresh figs, cut in half

12 slices prosciutto, sliced very thin

1/4 cup extra virgin olive oil.

Preheat the oven to 350.

Wrap the fig halves with the prosciutto and drizzle with olive oil. Roast the figs for 15 minutes and serve.

SEEMS SIMPLE ENOUGH RIGHT?!

Did I have prosciutto? No. So I used salami.

Did I have the patience to wait for our oven to preheat? No. So I just ate it raw. Salami + fig + a little bit of mozzarella (because I love mozzarella). A cop out? Perhaps, so the next day I vowed it would be different, and stopped by Say Cheese on my way home. I liked my cheese idea, so instead of being traditional with goat cheese + fig, I picked up some truly awesome, salty, nutty Gouda. Not Smoked Gouda. I hate Smoked Gouda.

NOW THAT'S A SWEET PICTURE YOU MIGHT SAY.

Ok have another:

Wow. Now that is the sweetness.

And Now...A Word from the Maverick

2009-09-09T22:18:00.000-07:00

"Of course you've seen that picture already. You consume 90% of the Internet with obsessive Reader reading". - The Maverick (who shall be henceforth referred to as "The Mav")

Picture in question: Courtesy of Decor8 (I know right? Red chucks on a baby? ADORABLE)

Now. Is there anything WRONG with my Reader? Of course not. Is it not the most efficient way of consuming information? Of course it is. I have all my blogs in one handy spot. It pulls information directly from the websites, so that I can even enjoy the travails of the chillin kangaroo from the comforts of my blocked work computer.

(Sidebar - PANDORA?! REALLY?! I WEEP, I.T. Department)

Anyway.

Team, I follow many blogs. Probably too many - Interior Design, Food, Shopping, Movies, Tech, Hilarity, Photography, even Web Comics. AND THAT IS JUST TO NAME A (VERY) FEW.

I love my reader, even if The Man may tease me for it. I refuse to apologize.

In that end, I have added a blogroll. I warn you! If I find that it gets too cluttered, I shall remove it.

An Encounter with Parrots

2009-09-08T21:15:00.000-07:00

Today I grabbed my book to head out to have lunch on the Terrace. Taking advantage of what minimal good weather San Francisco provides during the "summer" is obligatory, especially considering Cole Valley doesn't believe in summer. It believes in fog.

ANYWAY.

I took the current read, Captain Blood, by Rafael Sabatini and the Roasted Tomato and Mozz. sammich out to read upon the terrace. I thought to also listen to Ye Olde Ipod. I was, however, cruelly thwarted by the NOISE.

I peer around the shading umbrella, and BIRDS are creating this racket. GREEN BIRDS WITH RED HEADS. I know what you are thinking. Frances, old bean, you have clearly lost what few marbles you have. But it's true!

HARK AT YOU THEN:

"What?" you ask.

"Are those...parrots?" you demand.

Why yes. Yes they are. Apparently the wild parrots are, like, a thing. Enough that Mark Bittner actually made a movie, the crazy man.

Now that's what you call the sweetness.